The Car Makes me Feel – Part One


I’m in one of those moods.  I want to be alone, not seen.  I’m shy.  I’m stressed.  I think when I get stressed, and the Prozac wears off, I get this one.

But I’ve wanted to do a whole post about cars, cars I would like to have.  This, the 1996-1999 Mercedes-Benz E320 Wagon. One of the things I really like about this car, in this moment, I think, is the tinted windows.  I mean I also like the body style.  It’s big, but I normally don’t like big.

But I imagine it to be safe.  And secure.  And with the dark windows I feel more secure.  Private.  Alone.

I feel secure, like nobody could get to me.

And while it is not new, I do feel like it says something about the person driving it.  It says they have class.  Money.  They like the finer things in life.  And since I do have an inferiority complex it would be nice to have something like this.  That is a subject I should write more about.  And unpack with a therapist.

And I get that nice cozy safe feeling when I look at this picture, too.  And I’ve got to say how much I love the scene in which it sits.  It’s the cozy weekend getaway house in the country.  Or the house you escape to when you need a time-out from the crazy of life.  When you just need to get away.

I’m always wanting to get away.  To escape.


And in this color it looks so regal and classy.  But it still needs the tint to be perfect.


And I love this picture.  This is the life I want.  The life I’m dreaming for.  For me and my boyfriend, who will eventually be my husband, to go bring home our real Christmas tree.  Wearing complimentary outfits that are hip and trendy.


This is the interior of the 2002, the pictures above are the 97-99 models.  The next generation, the 2002, looks much so softer and nicer on the inside.  And let’s face it, that’s a very big deal.  I mean that is where we spend most of our time.  Not looking at it from the outside.  I like a nice interior.  This is nice.  I really like the steering wheel.  I’m strange.

There are other cars I like to.  Some of them I think I like better than the Mercedes.

BMW 5-Series E39 wagon

For some reason these BMWs pop into mind.  They seem more sporty than the Mercedes.  And this particular body style of BMW,the 1999 528i, is one that I really like.  I even like it in sedan.

1997 BMW 318I

I love blue.  This one be nice to have on the days I don’t mind being seen.

And I love the idea about having the car kept in the house.  I know, I’m strange.





1992 Volvo 240 Wagon 2





But then I keep coming back to this: the Volvo.  I just think I like them better, and I think they would be a better, safer car.

It was what I was brought home from the hospital in.  The first car I rode in.  A 1970-something blue wagon.  I just love a Volvo.  And it says “writer” to me.

I think I would like a mid 90s model wagon.  But this white one is a 1990ish.  Huge.  And nothing says writer more than this.  It’s an old car and you cannot judge my by the same standards as everyone else.  I’m a writer.  And artist.  And I walk to the beat of a different drum.  I don’t live in the same world as you.

I Broke my Wagon

Writing journal

Writing journal (Photo credit: avrdreamer)

Well damn.  I came up with A New Plan, then I fell off the fucking wagon before I even started!  What the hell!?!

Actually I’ve kind of been busy this week.  Or…wait…no, that’s a lie.  I could have written something over the weekend because I sure as hell didn’t work…but I didn’t do that, either.

I mean, hell, it’s only been 10 damn days since I wrote that post.

But I do have something to discuss, which I will save for another post.  🙂

How do you feel about…let’s say…detailed sexual encounters?  See, what happen was….

Once of the reasons I started this blog, and am doing it anonymously, is because I want it to be a) truthful, and b) this to be kind of like my online journal that I’m sharing with everyone.

I’ve actually kept a journal for quite a while, and most of the time it’s been digital.  Actually it has been completely digital since I got my first laptop.  And while writing in my journal, I always write it as if I were talking to someone.  Well, I pretty much write it the same way I have been writing in this blog.  I never knew exactly why I was writing it, but I just knew it made me feel better.  I thought maybe, one day in the future, I would go back and re-read it and it would be, in some way, helpful.  Maybe I could use some of it for some writing ideas…or use parts of it in stories I wrote.

So on to the point: how would you all feel about reading those somewhat detailed encounters?  I would put some type of warning in the title because I realize not everyone will want to read such things.  Then again I’m sure some people would only be interested in reading such posts and find nothing else I write entertaining.

So comment below and let me know.

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