No Change, Please

Written 1.27.14

This is totally not what I was going to write about right now but it’s a good topic that is really well overdue.

So like I have said before, I think…at least I meant to, there are several coffee shops in town.  While there are several, I only really like one of them.  Only one of them is home for me.

Man thinking on a train journey.

Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went to work at a decent hour like a good little boy this morning – I’m very proud of myself but I’ll talk about that.  Couple that with the fact that I ate lunch at my desk and that I’ve been very productive today, so far, I think I’m doing pretty damn good!

So, to reward myself – even though there’s a good chance I would do it regardless, but since I’ve done good today I’m calling it a reward – I decided to go to my coffee shop for a break and get some writing done.  This morning instead of writing I just went to work and I didn’t write my “Life Update” for this weekend so I wanted to do it today.

But there was one slight problem.  I could have gone back to my office and shut the door and done it there but I could have still been bothered and I really just wanted to get away.  I went to my coffee shop.  That’s when I ran into the problem.

They were CLOSED!

Not for good, just for “a while.”

Ok, so here’s the thing.  If you are one who pays attention to the health scores a restaurant gets…you would never know what I’m about to tell you.  Since I’m me, I know.  I totally know and I really shouldn’t be going there.

And here’s the other thing now that I have gotten off on this totally halfway related side trip about health scores and what I know.  

I love Chinese food but there are a lot of them that I’m kind of afraid of going to.  I’m not going to go into the details of why, but just google it and make sure your dog or cat is out of the room when you do.  They will have nightmares for years!

And it’s not just Chinese food.  There are a lot of restaurants that I’m afraid to go to.  My thinking is that the dining area or outside looks bad the the kitchen, the places customer’s can’t see, must only be worse.  And while the rational part of my brain realizes that isn’t necessarily true, it’s something I just can’t help thinking about.  Anyway.

So back to my point, if there ever was one to begin with.

I pulled up to the coffee shop and thought, “oh nice, they don’t look busy.”  There were only a couple cars in the parking lot other than those of the people I know who work there.

Well I get out of my car and walk up to the door and the sign reads “closed for technical issues.”

Ok, I knew they were not having a problem with their computer system.  No, whatever “technical” issues they were having had to be much, much worse.

In the past their “technical” issues was the plumbing pipes backed up inside the building!

Ok, gross much?  Yeah!  I know!

But does that stop me from getting coffee there?  No.  Strange when you think about it, really.

So I didn’t want to go back to the office so I went to one of the other coffee shops that I only go through the drive-thru at.  But, like I said, I didn’t want to go back to the office and write from there so I decided to go inside.

That is where I really get to the point of this post: I don’t fucking like change!

And keep in mind, I’m the guy who wants to move to another city and start over.  I do want change, major change, but it just feels so wrong here.  Hell, it feels wrong period but, I don’t know.

And one of the things I don’t like is this coffee shop is the one most frequented by the college kids and I just don’t like being around them.  I don’t like being around people who are younger than me.  I don’t know why, but I really don’t like it.  I don’t like being around most anybody, but especially them.  I feel like they are more judging than most.

But after I sit here for a little while it really isn’t that bad.  Well, I guess it could just be the table I got.  It’s a good one.  I like it.  I would feel different were I had a worse table.  Even though this one is near the registers I still feel better about it.  Plus it’s not right by the windows which for some reason makes me think I’m kind of hidden away a little.  I feel more secure and less seen.  Less out in the open.  I know that’s not true, but it doesn’t matter.  When you’re living with a mental illness rationality doesn’t matter.  All that matters is what is going on inside your brain and how you feel.

On another note, I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m tired and I would really like to go to bed right now.  Take a nap.  I might do that when I get off work but I don’t know yet.  Really it just depends on how I feel.  I’m going hope promptly at the time I’m supposed to today.  Not a minute over…even if I do end up staying “on break” a little longer than my hour lunch would allow.”

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More Listening, Less Starbucks

Ok, I’ve been thinking about getting an account with Audible.com and I was also thinking I should stop going to Starbucks so much.

Now the whole thing about not going to Starbucks so much is really tough for me.  I freaking LOVE Starbucks.  Like, a lot!  I love everything about Starbucks.  The way I (hear) they treat them employees.  I love the books about them.  I haven’t read all of them, yet, and I will admit some of them seem to be just about the people who wrote them, bragging about themselves.  But they all, so far, have good ideas in them.

So I really don’t want to stop going.  But I do need to stop spending so much money.  And I would like an audible.com account.

At first I was thinking I should just “stop” going to Starbucks so much.  But then I got to thinking, maybe I should just stop getting so many expensive latte’s.  I could get something less expensive like just a cup of coffee (I love their new roast – Blond!), and I could just stop going…so often.

Maybe that will work.  But I do love my latte’s but I also need to help the waist line which the latte’s don’t help.

Anyway, if I got the Audible account I could listen to more of the audiobooks I would like to listen to because I don’t have enough time to do all the reading I would like to do.

P.S.: My head is just so crazy that there are a million things running through it!  All the time!