Not really, but not horrible, either.
At least not yet.
I haven’t taken my Prozac in several days but that is partially because I’m running out of money and I’m also running out of Prozac. I just took 3 pills, my normal dose (not with my current doctor but with my old doctor).
The doctor I’m going to now – because my old doctor is no longer in business – prescribed me 40MG a day. That would be two pills a day which, I realize, is better than taking what I’m currently taking which is…two or three pills every few days with little regularity. I realize this, but still….
I just counted and I have 13 pills left. There are 11 days until I get paid again. If I call now maybe I can get an appointment on that 11th day. I think taking one pill a day would be better than what I have been doing. Hell, it isn’t like I have much of a choice. I could see if a friend of mine has any medicine left but I really don’t want to start something new. I did that before when I was completely out – for a while – and what she gave me I believe was expired. I wanted to kill myself by the time I got more Prozac.
I could also ask my boss because she said if I needed I could get a few pills from her because I guess she was prescribed it but never takes it. I don’t know why. I believe she and I had the conversation that it helps her but, like me, I guess she’s just hard headed.
Another thing that hot me down is that I saw a gay guy who looked cute today. He was from the capital and I believe where it works, and probably lives, is near a big gay, trendy, area. I wish I weren’t ugly but that’s the way I feel. I just feel like I’m not good enough. And to be honest, I’m not.
Nothing about me is good enough. I don’t look good, I’m not the best at my job, I haven’t been able to write and I don’t really think I’m smart enough to, anyway, and I don’t have a lot of money.
This is what life with depression is like.