The Day I Might have Quit

Well since I did take my Prozac yesterday I am feeling a little better today.  That or the children at work weren’t here today…so that may have also added to the better mood.

On another note, I think I might have decided to quit smoking today.  I wasn’t planning on it but somebody came by and they were talking to me and another lady about her having just quit.  I had no plans of quitting right now but when she started talking about it, and the lady I was working with agreed it was a good idea, I started thinking about it.

So I told the lady I was working with that I would quit if she would and we had to turn over our smokes to the strong-willed non-smoker among us.  She will also be our cheerleader.  Right now…I could fucking use one!

What I’m afraid of is what I’m going to do when I’m left to my own vices.  What I might do when I’m not at work and passing by the gas station.

Or like right this fucking moment….  I’m thinking about going and getting one because I want to smoke really, really, really fucking bad!  What I DO NOT want to do is start eating every-fucking-thing in sight!  I don’t want to get big as a fucking house because I actually need to LOSE weight, not gain it.

Since I’m not going to be spending money on cigarettes, I might go buy a scale.

Fuck me, fuck me now!

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Seriously, right now I want to at least go buy a Black & Mild to smoke that.  Like…I’m really fucking tempted to!

But the lady I work with who has quit smoking said she was proud of me when I gave her my cigarettes, two and a half fucking packs, to throw away for me.  She even hugged me.  I don’t want to let her down BUT I REALLY WANT TO FUCKING SMOKE!!!!!