The other day I was joking with a friend I work with that I was becoming a whore. According to the dictionary, a whore is a man or woman who engages in sexual acts for money. While I still consider that I am, kind of, becoming a whore, I am not engaging in sexual acts for money. Although, I would actually like to write a little about that later.
So it’s the 4th of July and I have been talking to people online trying to find someone to sleep with. Well, I guess “sleep with” isn’t exactly the correct phase. Really, I’ve just been trying to find someone to fuck.
You see, when I was younger I didn’t sleep around. I have actually gone years…with a fucking ‘s’…without having sex. When I was in my early 20s I didn’t have a boyfriend but I also didn’t get out much. I worked, not that I have any money to show for that now, and stayed home. I was very self-conscious and afraid of the way I looked. I was afraid of how other people thought I looked. Even though, I wasn’t as fat then as I am now.
But I guess now I’m a little more…okay…with the way I look. Plus I have the internet which means it’s a little easier. You don’t have to leave your home to find someone to hook-up with, and you don’t have to deal with the face-to-face rejection of being told “hell no!” I like that.
We’ve all heard how guys can have sex with a lot of different women and they are just thought of as “normal” and “macho.” Women, on the other hand, are thought of as sluts. It’s a double standard.
I’ve also heard, and really do believe, that if women would let men, they would be having a lot more sex and with a lot more partners than they actually do. With gay men, there’s no women to stop them. They want to get laid. They like to get laid. They like sex. They just find someone and do it. Good, bad, or whatever, they do it. And as long as you play safe, I don’t really see what’s so bad about this.
Now, even when you do play safe there could still be unwanted consequences. That is the part that scares me and it’s the same reason that I do keep my paints on more than I take them off. Even if lately I’ve been trying to take my pants off a lot. And I haven’t been all together unsuccessful.
So judge me if you want, won’t be the first time…won’t be the last time, but that’s the way it is.