The Car Makes me Feel – Part One


I’m in one of those moods.  I want to be alone, not seen.  I’m shy.  I’m stressed.  I think when I get stressed, and the Prozac wears off, I get this one.

But I’ve wanted to do a whole post about cars, cars I would like to have.  This, the 1996-1999 Mercedes-Benz E320 Wagon. One of the things I really like about this car, in this moment, I think, is the tinted windows.  I mean I also like the body style.  It’s big, but I normally don’t like big.

But I imagine it to be safe.  And secure.  And with the dark windows I feel more secure.  Private.  Alone.

I feel secure, like nobody could get to me.

And while it is not new, I do feel like it says something about the person driving it.  It says they have class.  Money.  They like the finer things in life.  And since I do have an inferiority complex it would be nice to have something like this.  That is a subject I should write more about.  And unpack with a therapist.

And I get that nice cozy safe feeling when I look at this picture, too.  And I’ve got to say how much I love the scene in which it sits.  It’s the cozy weekend getaway house in the country.  Or the house you escape to when you need a time-out from the crazy of life.  When you just need to get away.

I’m always wanting to get away.  To escape.


And in this color it looks so regal and classy.  But it still needs the tint to be perfect.


And I love this picture.  This is the life I want.  The life I’m dreaming for.  For me and my boyfriend, who will eventually be my husband, to go bring home our real Christmas tree.  Wearing complimentary outfits that are hip and trendy.


This is the interior of the 2002, the pictures above are the 97-99 models.  The next generation, the 2002, looks much so softer and nicer on the inside.  And let’s face it, that’s a very big deal.  I mean that is where we spend most of our time.  Not looking at it from the outside.  I like a nice interior.  This is nice.  I really like the steering wheel.  I’m strange.

There are other cars I like to.  Some of them I think I like better than the Mercedes.

BMW 5-Series E39 wagon

For some reason these BMWs pop into mind.  They seem more sporty than the Mercedes.  And this particular body style of BMW,the 1999 528i, is one that I really like.  I even like it in sedan.

1997 BMW 318I

I love blue.  This one be nice to have on the days I don’t mind being seen.

And I love the idea about having the car kept in the house.  I know, I’m strange.





1992 Volvo 240 Wagon 2





But then I keep coming back to this: the Volvo.  I just think I like them better, and I think they would be a better, safer car.

It was what I was brought home from the hospital in.  The first car I rode in.  A 1970-something blue wagon.  I just love a Volvo.  And it says “writer” to me.

I think I would like a mid 90s model wagon.  But this white one is a 1990ish.  Huge.  And nothing says writer more than this.  It’s an old car and you cannot judge my by the same standards as everyone else.  I’m a writer.  And artist.  And I walk to the beat of a different drum.  I don’t live in the same world as you.

Life Update – Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Maybe I should start calling these quick “what I’ve been up to” posts “Life Updates.”  That sounds better than what I was using.  Not that I remember what I was using.  It’s early.  In fact, it’s fucking early!

Early bird coffee queue #picnic09

Early bird coffee queue #picnic09 (Photo credit: @10)

It’s 7:46 in the morning.  Do you know how early that is for me?!?

The sun is rising, dew is still drenching the cars, and I’m not only out of bed but I’m dressed and at the coffee shop!  Like I’m all put together and presentable.  I’m ready for the day!

And this is actually the second day in a row that I have gotten up early.  Yesterday was because I needed to have a one-on-one with a dumbass at work.  As per the usual she denied any wrongdoing.  She did catch me a little off guard.  I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.  That’s okay though, if she wants to play hardball we can do that.  She is either about to turn into a really good employee or it’s about to get ugly.  Either way, I’m tired of playing with her.

But now on to a better subject: me!

I worked my butt off yesterday.  I went in at 6 in the morning and didn’t leave until 6 at night.  But when I left I came to the coffee shop and went over reports for work!  So I worked all day.  I left to go home about 7:30ish and just got ready for bed.  I’m not sure why it took me so long, unless I left closer to 8, but I was crawling into bed at 8:30.  I took a 3mg Melatonin and slept!

I did wake up about 10:30 to pee and in one of those night-time sleep stupid stoopers I ate like 7 or 8 Kit Kat singles that I bought – and never should have – in the grocery store the other day because I was hungry when I went shopping.  I’ve been getting those lately, the sleep eating stoopers.  Well, here’s the thing.

I also know I haven’t been eating regularly and we already know I don’t have any self control, especially when I’m tired.  And when you wake up in the middle of a heavy sleep to go pee you are clearly tired.  At least I am.  If I feel stupid – like I’m in a sleep-stooper – I pretty much know I’ll be able to go back to sleep.  But sometimes when I wake up I’m hungry and if I have something quick and easy to eat, I usually will.

The other day it was chips and dip but last week it was making a turkey and ham sandwich with the lunch meat I had bought.  I know, good idea, right!  Anyway.

So I went back to bed and I had set my clock for something like 5:30 or 6.  I might have set one of the clocks for 5 but I sure didn’t get up.  I didn’t want to get up at 5:30 and I think I just hit the snooze button.  But then at 6 another clock went off and shortly after that the 3rd clock went off.  I actually got out of bed!  I’m fucking surprised.  But I did sleep for like 10+ hours.  My back was beginning to hurt from laying in bed so long.

And since I didn’t want to go to work this early, after going in so yearly yesterday and working so long, I decided to come to the coffee shop because I had to come here anyway.  I just decided to sit inside and write this blog.  Maybe I should start doing this every morning!

I’m going to try to start getting 8 hours of sleep every night and getting up early.  We will see how that works.  Otherwise, in order to get up early I might just have to start going to bed much earlier and trying to sleep longer.  We will see because I have got to do something to start getting to work on-time.  It’s 8:21 right now and I don’t really want to go to work but I think I should.  I have to be there should be there by 9 every morning.

That’s all folks.  Comment, subscribe via the email thingy.  If you have other comments or anything just send me at email to lifeonmygayisland at gmail dot com.  I look forward to hearing from you all!

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Just Heard This

I was listening to the Ed Schultz radio show this afternoon and he had a caller come on and say he heard that a log of religious black people were going to go out to the poll just to vote against him because of President Obama coming out in favor of gay marriage.

I don’t remember where he said he heard this, if in fact he did say it at all, but I was not surprised to hear this.

Since I didn’t just want to take what I heard someone say on a radio show for truth, I decided to call up the Google machine to see what it could come up with.  Just by searching “black people against obama because of gay comments” I got a ton of stuff.

On this website ( I found something very interesting.  This link is for a tiny post I’m guessing the sites author posted about this subject titled “President Obama affirms gay marriage will it cost him the black vote?”  What I thought was really interesting, which I’m not going to touch with a ten foot pole (but might later) is this comment:

Bobby On May 10, 2012 at 3:48 am: I love President Obama, but I disappointed on his fight for all the gay rights and nothing on fixing all the wrong deeds in the past against African Americans. Reparations for slavery is a proposal that some type of compensation should be provided to the descendants of enslaved people in the United States, in consideration of the coerced and uncompensated labor their ancestors performed over centuries. President Obama will not even touch this subject!

Now on a side note, I MUST go back to that link and take part in the conversation going on in the comment section.  Some of what they are saying are things I would really like to get into and I might even post some of them on here.  But now, back to my regularly scheduled point.

One person who commented on this site says they don’t think the President will have a negative impact because: 1) black people don’t give him as much money to run his election on as do the gays; 2) black people mainly vote for Democrats; 3) black people are black and vote for black people, President Obama is black, ergo they will vote for him anyway.

In closing, because this is just a quick rant, I’m going to end up rolling all in the subject I said I would not right now touch with that big-ass pole.

I do think black people helped him considerably because I personally know a lot of black people got out and voted FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES because they had the opportunity to vote for a  BLACK MAN to become PRESIDENT.  These were not black people who had just turned the legal age to vote.  These were black people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.  And I’m just talking about the ones I knew.  I’m sure they were not the “few exceptions” to the rule.  Black people, in general, just do not vote in proportional large numbers and that is something you can statistically fact check.

And I believe there are quite a few black people who will not return to the polls for his re-election because they have not been given what they thought they would receive (see the comment above).

Feel free to discuss below, or send me an email.

You Might Not Like This

Ok, this might not go over too well and for that I’m very sorry.  And I kind of can’t believe I’m actually going to say this but you will have to hear me out on this one and maybe you “might” agree…or you might not and I might never have another reader ever again!  So here we go….

FINALLY, after years and years and years, President Obama finally came out in support of Gay Marriage.  I think it’s about fucking time and I really think more people should get behind this!  But, with that being said….

I kind of wish he would have waited a few months to say this…like waited a few months until after he won reelection.

The reason I say this is since he’s waited this damn long, why do it NOW because I really don’t think enough people who support this idea are going to suddenly get behind him because those people were probably already behind him.

I think in this political climate there are more downsides than upsides to him coming out in support of marriage equality.  Him supporting our equal rights, which he should do, isn’t going to do anything at the moment to help us.  I think he should have waited and MAYBE after he gets reelected he could do what he “should have done and didn’t” when he first got elected and stop trying to play nice with all these people who are not going to play nice with him just because of who he is!

From the very beginning of his administration the right-wing has been doing everything in their power to block everything that he wants to do.  I think what he should have done from the beginning of his administration is put is proverbial foot down and fight with them where need be.  What most people don’t realize is even though he’s the President, there aren’t a lot of things he can do by himself without the help of the Congress and Senate.  We, the voters, should have given him a large majority in both houses and then we could have been farther down the road to recovery than we are now.

I’m just really afraid that this is going to be a tough election and we might lose it.  I don’t think all the minority people that went out to vote and helped him get elected will do so the second time around.  Even though it is not a politically correct thing to say, I do think there are a lot of black people that went out to vote for the first time and that did help him.  No, it is true, they did not elect him alone, but they certainly did help and I think they will be too lazy to do so this time.  (That’s going to be another unpopular thing to say.)

Just to say something about the black comment:

I happen to work with a lot of black people who are on the low end of the economic ladder.  They have been given the shaft for a very long time.  During that election I asked them had they ever voted before and they said no.  They didn’t feel like there was anything in it for them because the government has already been run by old white people.  This was different, and it was.  It was a very important time in our history because finally a black man was going to be living in the house that slaves built.

Since then I’ve heard someone say that “he didn’t do anything for us” and I guess they thought they were going to get something out of him becoming President.  What that was I don’t know, but they don’t see that just him becoming President helped them out.

So I will certainly be sitting on pins and needles during this election and I hope my fellow Americans don’t fuck it up and elect Romney.  But I hope Obama will put his foot down more in his second term that I so hope he gets.  I also hope we give him a majority in the House and Senate this time because we certainly failed to do that last time.