A Blah Day

(Written 1.1.15)

This is not the start to anything new…certainly not the start to anything good.

I feel very…blah…today. I’m in one of those moods where I don’t want to be around people. Nothing new. And my face is set in

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blah… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

that resting frown. It’s a face I have a lot. A face I have when it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m in a bad mood. Just calm and, sometimes, okay not to be bothered.

And while sometimes it is a face that really means I’m peaceful and okay, just calm and slightly sedate, today that isn’t what it means.

Because deeper, I just want to be left alone. Part of me just wants to crawl under the covers in a cool bedroom, and part of me just wants to cry.

I’ve been wanting to cry a lot, lately.

And being in this unproductive mood does not lend itself well to what I had planned to do today.

I didn’t come to work until 3, and I’m not making big plans or spectacular New Year’s Resolutions. All I want to do is get my stuff in order. Get my life in order. I want to start living the life that I want to live and I want to start living the life I know, at least really think, I’m capable to live.

To do that, things will have to be done differently. To do that, it will be difficult. Considering the mental state I’m currently in, it will be extremely difficult but I want to fight with everything that I have in me to make it happen. I want to become the person that I want to be and the person I really think I can become. I want to do great things like everyone used to tell me I was capable of and that I would do.

My plan for today was to clean and organize my office. It’s not dirty, but very unorganized. I have papers, some in neat piles, some not so much, all over the place. My filing system has gone to shit. It doesn’t look like the office of a person who is leading a company and knows what he’s doing. It looks like the home of someone who has given up on life and doesn’t have a handle on the future. As it were, that would be a pretty apropos description of me.

Now it’s January 2nd

So now it’s the next day.

I might have been writing the beginning of this post while I was still at work and at some point I got distracted. I think I started working again but cleaning and organizing wasn’t part of it.

Then I went home. And today I was too busy to do it. And “after work” when I could have stayed, I didn’t.

You Might Not Like This

Ok, this might not go over too well and for that I’m very sorry.  And I kind of can’t believe I’m actually going to say this but you will have to hear me out on this one and maybe you “might” agree…or you might not and I might never have another reader ever again!  So here we go….

FINALLY, after years and years and years, President Obama finally came out in support of Gay Marriage.  I think it’s about fucking time and I really think more people should get behind this!  But, with that being said….

I kind of wish he would have waited a few months to say this…like waited a few months until after he won reelection.

The reason I say this is since he’s waited this damn long, why do it NOW because I really don’t think enough people who support this idea are going to suddenly get behind him because those people were probably already behind him.

I think in this political climate there are more downsides than upsides to him coming out in support of marriage equality.  Him supporting our equal rights, which he should do, isn’t going to do anything at the moment to help us.  I think he should have waited and MAYBE after he gets reelected he could do what he “should have done and didn’t” when he first got elected and stop trying to play nice with all these people who are not going to play nice with him just because of who he is!

From the very beginning of his administration the right-wing has been doing everything in their power to block everything that he wants to do.  I think what he should have done from the beginning of his administration is put is proverbial foot down and fight with them where need be.  What most people don’t realize is even though he’s the President, there aren’t a lot of things he can do by himself without the help of the Congress and Senate.  We, the voters, should have given him a large majority in both houses and then we could have been farther down the road to recovery than we are now.

I’m just really afraid that this is going to be a tough election and we might lose it.  I don’t think all the minority people that went out to vote and helped him get elected will do so the second time around.  Even though it is not a politically correct thing to say, I do think there are a lot of black people that went out to vote for the first time and that did help him.  No, it is true, they did not elect him alone, but they certainly did help and I think they will be too lazy to do so this time.  (That’s going to be another unpopular thing to say.)

Just to say something about the black comment:

I happen to work with a lot of black people who are on the low end of the economic ladder.  They have been given the shaft for a very long time.  During that election I asked them had they ever voted before and they said no.  They didn’t feel like there was anything in it for them because the government has already been run by old white people.  This was different, and it was.  It was a very important time in our history because finally a black man was going to be living in the house that slaves built.

Since then I’ve heard someone say that “he didn’t do anything for us” and I guess they thought they were going to get something out of him becoming President.  What that was I don’t know, but they don’t see that just him becoming President helped them out.

So I will certainly be sitting on pins and needles during this election and I hope my fellow Americans don’t fuck it up and elect Romney.  But I hope Obama will put his foot down more in his second term that I so hope he gets.  I also hope we give him a majority in the House and Senate this time because we certainly failed to do that last time.