(Written 12.31.14)
So I had to go to Walmart for a couple things tonight and I’m not good at just going in for what I need – what is supposed to be on my list – and leaving.  I’m especially not good and making it a quick trip if I just got off work.  Why?  I don’t know.

New K-Cup Canister

New K-Cup Canister

Backing up to a couple weeks ago, my coffee pot “broke” when I accidentally threw away the brew basket.  (Long story we’re not getting into right now.)  So, one night, again, after work, I went to Walmart to buy a new coffee pot because I was tired of not having coffee in the morning.

So while I was walking around looking for a coffee pot, I was trying to find the cheapest one I could that was a 4-cup coffee maker with a timer.  Maybe if I had coffee waiting for me when I rolled my fat ass out of bed I would be more included to get out of bed one time.

Side note: I’ve tried this before and it totally doesn’t even work for me.  In fact, I have even gotten up, had a couple of cups of coffee along with a few smokes, and then went back to bed for “30 minutes” which turned into about 3 hours.  ON a fucking WORK DAY, no less.  But anyway….

And so I found the 2 different ones that I was thinking about getting and I couldn’t make up my mind.  I think I did finally make up my mind and I put one of them in the buggy.  I was about the leave the isle and on my way out of that isle I looked to my left as I was pushing my buggy and ….

…. I saw the Keurigs.

So here’s the thing.  I have been thinking about these.  A good friend of mine just got one of these and another friend of mine has had one for a while.  Both really like them.  At first, when they first came out, I was totally opposed to them because a) I’m a little bit of a coffee snob, and b) I never have “one cup.”  In fact, the mugs I use are pretty big.  So the little 4-cup coffee makers I always buy – more than that and I’ll burn it so I’d just rather make several pots – are perfect for me.  And, it’s not like I ever have anyone over in my house.

But lately I have been thinking about them more and more because I realized they have multiple settings.  And I have had a few cups of coffee from them and some of them aren’t bad.  Plus you can buy those little things – which I bought one of and still haven’t used – that allows you to use your own grownds.  So, with that little accessory I can be a coffee snob and still make one cup at a time.

So…I bought one.

When I got it home I opened it and made a cup of coffee before bed and LOVED IT!

I’m totally thinking about making a cup now because even though it’s 1 in the morning (December 31st to me but officially January 1, 2015) I wouldn’t mind having a cup of coffee.  And that’s just the thing!  Not only does it make a cup of coffee super quick, but you can really make one pretty good cup of coffee at a time.  PLUS, there’s no fucking mess!  That’s the other great part about it!  All you do is open the lid, pull the used k-cup out, and toss it!  NO MESS!

SO!  Six-hundred plus words later, we’re getting close to the point of this post so if you’ve made it this far just hang in a little longer because we’re getting close to the end….

Since I bought the Keurig, the one for home that night and the very next day I bought another one to have in my office at work, I have been thinking that I would like something nice to put my k-cups in.

I was thinking about that small rectangle decorative cardboard box you guy at some of the crafting stores.  You can also pick them up at TJ Maxx and the like.  I have one that would work.  Now that I think about it I don’t think I still have that one, but I still have several things I could use.  And while I was at Walmart I initially picked up a little $3 plastic screw-top container but when I say this, the picture above, I put it back and picked up not one, but 2 of these.  But the point is, and the bottom line, I DON’T FUCKING NEED THIS!

At home, there is nothing nice and pretty about my counter.  I’m living with my dad and he is very practical and there is NO space for anything.  He wouldn’t know something nice, or what it was for, if it hit him in the head.  He doesn’t like nice, he doesn’t do nice, he has no time for it.  How I turned out how I am is beyond me!  Actually, now that I say that…that happens to be something that I would like to spend quite some time writing about because I have some very strong opinions on that subject.

Anyway, nobody comes over so there is really no reason to have this.  But, I was thinking all of this when I was looking at it and putting them both in my buggy but I thought, “well, I can get and use this now and I will have something nice for my k-cups to be in when I move to my new apartment because all of this stuff is going with me.  The Keurig isn’t staying here because dad doesn’t like it or really use it.  So that will just be one less thing that I will have to buy when I find a home.

And as for my office…well…there’s a long story why I’m not putting my k-cups in cabinets there.  So I do kind of need something nice and tidy to put them in.  I could have only bought one but, oh well.  This is what I did.  And this is one of those things that I need to stop doing.  It is one of those things that makes me not have any money!

Now, on another side note, I think they’re kind of cute.  I mean, to be inexpensive.  I really like the glass version which has a brushed silver lid which is only a couple dollars more and I really kind of want to go buy several of them.  I mean, I’m not going to because I totally don’t have my own place right now so there’s no reason to buy more crap for a place I don’t have yet.  But, just sayin’.

Obligatory “I’m Coming Back” Post

So this is my obligatory “I’m going to start blogging again” post.  Not that there are a lot of people, if any, reading right now but that is to be expected since I don’t post a lot.  Hell, I haven’t posted in months.  I am going to start working harder on gaining new readers and posting on a regular basis.  This is going to be a lot of life journal and things I’m going through so if that’s not what you’re interested in…I guess it won’t work between us.  We’re going to have to breakup.   #funnyface

One of the other things I want to start writing about is my sex life.  I know that is also going to be something that a lot of people probably won’t be into but I really want to start using this blog as a journal, which I have in the past, and as a “session with a therapist,” if you will.  I know there are a lot of things that I should be unpacking with a therapist but for now I’m going to have to use this blog.  (That is one of the things I’m looking forward to when I get insurance thanks to “Obamacare” as everyone likes to derogatorily call it.)  I hope you find my therapy writing sessions interesting.  I do think opening up about a lot of things will – and can – help others because most of us think we are alone in our struggles when in fact we are not.

But, today’s topic is going to be about work and stress.  I’m going to try not to make this very long because there is another post I would like to get written, or at least mostly written, for tomorrow.  I would like to start posting at least 4 times a week, at the least.  I know some days there really isn’t anything new and exciting to talk about, but we will just have to sit back together and see what happens.

So we all know – or should know – stress can kill you.  I have heard a lot of people talk about how if you’re sick or going through a big medical problem/disease, you need to try and reduce stress as much as possible.  My mother suffered, and eventually died from, cancer for most of my life. My dad worked tirelessly to make sure she was as happy, comfortable, and as stress free as she could possibly be.  That was one of his two biggest goals and challenges, and jobs, really, while she was sick.  I think that is also the reason she lived so much longer than her doctors thought she would and why she did as well, for as long, as she did.  That was part of how she was able to not give up and give in to the disease.  That and the fact that she had me and I was her biggest life goals.  I remember my dad saying after she passed that her biggest goal was to see me turn 18.  She did not get to do that but she tried.

So keeping that in mind, I am trying really hard not to get stressed.  There are some things that we just can’t do anything about and there is no productive reason for us to bitch about those things or stress about those things.  Well, today I learned of another thing that I would normally want to stress about but I’m just going to tell my self not to stress and that everything will be okay.

Payroll might not clear the bank this week.  And, on top of that, when I hold off until Monday to cash my check, it could bounce.  We get paid on Friday.  Today my boss asked if there was any way some of my employees might be able to wait to get paid.

“No, I really don’t think so,” I said.

Yes, let’s tell my ghetto employees who are only here for their paycheck and not because this is any kind of career for them that they need to wait a few extra days to get paid.  On top of that, let’s tell my employees who don’t even fucking make that much that they have to wait to get paid.  No, no that will not work.

It is difficult enough, and big enough of a deal that I’m going to wait to cash my check.  I know I’m helping them out with that and I pretty much offered that solution before he had to ask.  I’m not sure if he would have asked, but I offered.  I’m making a sacrifice for them and I really hope they see that as being as big of a deal as that really is!  That is not just me waiting until next week to cash my check.  That is me, someone who does not really make that much money in the grand scheme of things, and someone who does not have any savings, waiting an entire weekend extra to cash my check when I have bills due on Friday. Not only do I have bills due but I also don’t have a whole not of money to tide me over until then.  The said fact of my life, and I know this part is my fault, is that I live paycheck to paycheck.  Granted, I realize that is not his fault.  But that is the fact of the matter and that is something that I am going to have to deal with this weakened.  I also realize that it is not my problem to have to wait until Monday to cash my check when I am supposed to be paid every other Friday.  Additionally, I’m going to have to make some phone calls and see if some of the bills that I have due on Friday can wait until next week.  I don’t know what I’m going to do if they say no.

What I’m going to try not to do is jump to conclusions, which is something that I normally like to do.  I’m very good at that.  I’m not going to think about the fact that we could be about to lose the company even though I really don’t think that is the case.  I’m also not going to think about the possibility of them getting rid of my job so that they can save some money.  I’m not going there right now.

This does, however, make me think more about the fact that I really do need to look for another job, and soon!  There are some other things that have happen that I want to talk about and write about but I will do that in a later post.  I will say this though: I feel like if I don’t get the fuck out of this area, and from away from these people, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind!

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Flat Tire – I Was Proud of Myself

So I woke up this morning at 7.  Good for me.  Then I went back to bed and didn’t actually get up until 9.  Why 9?  Because my boss called me on my cell phone.  I don’t think she knew I had just woke up…I played it cool with my voice, I think.  If she did know she didn’t say anything.  I do know she first called my office but she didn’t say anything.  I’m cutting it close, I know.

So then I was thinking, “well, if I quickly shower and get dressed and leave by 9:30 that will put me in the office by 10 and that should be about the time” – I was totally guessing – “she is getting to her office.  So if she calls me after that there will be no questions.”

Well, I didn’t iron clothes last night, either.  So that took even longer.  It was about 10 minutes before 10 when I finally left the house.

On Sunday I realized I needed to replace one of the tires on my car; mettle threads were showing and sticking out of the tire.  I realized there was a problem when my car started bouncing down the road more than it usually does.  I looked.  I saw.  I did not curse or use fowl language.  (I was really proud of myself.)

Monday I went to the guy I normally use so I could get a new tire.  He’s a really nice guy and I trust him.  That, in my opinion, is huge.  I always feel…at a disadvantage, for the lack of a better word…when I need to have anything done to my car.  I know how to drive it but I don’t know how to fix it.  He wasn’t there.  Some other guy was there so I don’t know if he took over or is just taking some time off.  From the way the new guy sounded, he’s the new owner.  Hopefully he’s not because I don’t like him as much as the other guy.

He said he didn’t have the size I needed but should on Wednesday: that is today.

This morning my tire went flat.  I did not curse or say anything bad.  (I was very proud of myself.)

A flat tire on a Mercury Villager van.

A flat tire on a Mercury Villager van. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I saw him he asked me how many miles I drive everyday.  I told him about 70.  That’s a low number, but whatever.  He said it wouldn’t last that long.  I thought he might be right, but I’ve been told that by other tire people – not with this tire and not with tires that were this bad – and they were wrong.  I knew I needed to be careful because I knew it could go out at any time.

Turns out he was right.

There are not a lot of things I would say I’m good at but admitting with I’m legitimately wrong is one of them.  Beyond that, admitting when I have done something stupid.  I have done a lot of stupid things in life.  If I took the time to list all the stupid things I’ve done, and continue to do, I would be here all day.

So I was very proud of myself – not for the first time with something like this – when I did not get upset when my tire went flat.  I didn’t get upset and I acted like it was no big deal because with all things considered, it wasn’t.

It also probably helped that I have been taking my Prozac like I’m supposed to and I haven’t been in a rageful mood.

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A Blast from the Past – Part Four – Randomness #2

Another old blog post.  This one I found on my computer when I was looking for the old ones but it isn’t listed on the old blog I’m closing.  I guess I meant to post this but never did…I don’t know what might have happened to it.  I thought it was good to post, though, since it does deal with depression and medication which is something that is an important and ongoing issue in my life…even today.  Hope you enjoy.


This was supposed to have been originally posted on 12.22.09, but I don’t think it ever was.

Randomness #2

 My doctor has me on a drug called Paxeva.  I’ve only been to this doctor once because I wanted to start going to a Psychiatrist as opposed to just a general practitioner.  My thinking was that a doctor specializing in my problems would be better able to help me.

When I walked into his office – which had a beautiful view of the marsh, river, and marina! – I wasn’t so sure I like him.  I just didn’t think he had an inviting, friendly manner.  Then, to make it worse, they charged me over 3 times what they should have and my dumb ass didn’t protest much!  I was in a depressed mood and didn’t want to fight about it.  Even though, I called the insurance company before I went to see him to see what my copay would be.  I used to work for a PBM and know how much of a hassle dealing with insurance companies and policies can be: I didn’t want any surprises!

As soon as I returned to my car I called the insurance company and asked what my copay should be because, since I have worked in this type of company before I know what can happen, I wanted to make sure the person I originally spoke with didn’t make a mistake by giving me the wrong information.  No, the mistake wasn’t made by the insurance company…the person I had on the phone this time was nice enough to call the doctor’s office and tell them, in fact, they made the mistake because they should have only charged me $40 as opposed to $143 dollars…the full cost of the visit!

(I just checked my work email because I’m at home right now.  I’m working this afternoon because a good friend of mine is working this afternoon and I like hanging out with her.  I don’t have a “set” schedule so there’s nothing wrong with me occasionally working the afternoon shift as opposed to the morning: it’s a good chance for me to get to see what goes on during that shift and what customers say/think/ask/etc… and find out what we might be able to improve on, etc.  My boss, Mr. Calm, just emailed me because somebody from the Home Office just emailed EVERY-FUCKING-BODY about an important credit card issue I have to take care of which has a due date of the 25th.  I REALIZE THAT, BITCH so back off and let me fucking handle things!  GOD!)

So after I got off the phone with the insurance, I called the doctor’s office back so they could refund the money they over charged me to my bank card.  “I’m sorry” they said, “we have an old system and are unable to do refunds.”  WTF!?!

I work with credit card machines and you are always supposed to be able to refund money.  What if you accidently had typed in one too many 1’s and charged my debit card $1,143.00, and what if the bank accepted it?!?  Not only would I be way over drawn, but I also wouldn’t be able to get my money back?!?!?!  Would you have issued me a check and _paid all the overdraft fee’s!?!?  I was pissed!

So I canceled the appointment with the therapist he wanted me to see because it was a therapist in his office.  Now I don’t know if I want to go back to my old doctor I saw in town before I ever got promoted…when I had insurance with my last job, or if I want to go back to this ass.

One of the other things I didn’t like about him was that he didn’t want to write me a prescription for a generic drug.  I was taking the generic form of Prozac and it was working fine.  I didn’t have any side affects I could recognize so I was pretty happy with it.  The one side affect to Paxeva is that I’m not “in the mood” as often.  Which, isn’t as big of a deal since I’m single but I still like “getting in the mood” because I can take care of any “issues” myself (I know…a little TMI (too much info) but I did say this was going to be honest and unedited…and certain “issues” is a natural part of life!  If you don’t like it…don’t read my blog).  And to be honest, I feel like I’m getting old when I don’t regularly have “issues” to take care of.  I didn’t experience that side affect while I was taking Prozac.

The only other thing, I didn’t feel like I had any more energy with Prozac and I can’t yet tell if that’s a problem with Paxeva…because I’ve let a two month supply last me…about 4 or so months.  (Maybe even longer.)  I might be willing to try this medicine again, but only if he has another one of those discount card to give me.  On my insurance, this medicine is $60 a month.  The one good thing he did was give me a discount card that lasted the life of the prescription so it took $50 off the cost so I only have to pay $10 a month…that’s what I was paying for Prozac.  If he doesn’t have another card, I’m not going to take this medicine again.  He’s just going to have to give me a generic of something and up the dose – because he says the dose could be off +/- 30%.

(I just checked my email again and since the bitch sent the email to EVERYBODY say I STILL haven’t done anything with credit card issue, I replied back to EVERYBODY telling them I would be working on this TODAY.  Two of the people on that email chain have their email accounts sending an auto reply telling everyone who emails them that they are “out of the office” until after Christmas.  They are fairly high ranking people yet I can’t take any fucking time off during the holidays!  I think I’m getting pissy again.)

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A Blast from the Past – Part Three – Randomness #1

Another old post, hope you enjoy.


This was originally posted 12.21.09


 I’m at work right now but I really don’t want to do anything productive.  That’s the problem I’ve had several times when I worked this shift in past months.  During the past couple of months, I’ve had my assistant work this shift when someone was sick or needed a day off…which hasn’t been very often which is a good thing.  For the longest time, I was doing it myself and I even did it for about a month straight when our weekend person quit and I had to find her replacement.  I’m thinking the part time person I hired to replace the last one isn’t going to be able to work nights much longer…but that might not be my problem.

I’ve been trying to think of ways I could cut down my expenses if I do lose my job but I’m not looking forward to it.  I should have saved money but didn’t.  It’s very hard for me to save money because I am a spender.  I hope to find another job with this same salary, $35,000 a year plus bonuses that ended up being around $2,300 a year, when I leave this job.  I really want to save money then!  I need to cut down what I spend so I can save money.  One of the things I want to cut down is my cell phone bill.

I’ve been spending about $130 a month for my BlackBerry but I really don’t need that phone.  I haven’t gotten rid of it yet, though, because I love it!  I am SO a CrackBerry Addict!  There are so many things you can do with that phone, and I love the keyboard!  It’s hard to decide which I love better…the internet or the keyboard.  I can write things I think of at any time because I don’t need a pen and paper.  I can make notes of things I need to do or books I see in the bookstore that I want to get later or find at amazon.com at a lower price.  I can also get on the internet anytime and I’ve used it to look up numbers and address and even directions of places I’ve been going.  I just love that phone!  Oh, and I can connect it to my laptop and have regular internet on my computer no matter where I am.

There are some people in the back building and I’m not sure what they are doing.  I’ve seen them sitting outside their room several times and just a few minutes ago I saw a lady throwing clothes downstairs and a couple of people getting into the car so I thought they were having a fight.  Now I’m not sure.

Okay, they just came down and I think something is going on.  They just checked out early but I didn’t look to see when they checked in.  His eyes looked a little bloodshot so I thought me might be on drugs, but I could be wrong.  After I gave him a receipt, he said he had a couple questions.  He then asked what would happen if a hotel employee got into a fight with his wife.  I was thinking “oh shit” because Sherry Ann worked the last shift.  Then he said it wasn’t this hotel and the hotel worked punched and kicked his wife.  I told him I didn’t know, it depends on the hotel policy but the GM knows and asked them to leave…so I’m guess there’s nothing he can do besides possible legal actions.

Back to my phone, in January I can upgrade my phone and at that time I think I’m actually downgrade it to a regular phone.  That should save me around $80 or $85 a month.  Right now I have 900 minutes and 5 numbers I can call without using any of my minutes.  I can use my house phone more and only use the cell when it’s work related…provided I still have this job.

I also saw at Wal-Mart a Straight Talk phone which would only be $45 a month with unlimited minutes.  If more and more of these types of phone plans come out which don’t require a contract, I think it will change the cellular phone world.  Other than have a nicer, better phone with more features and options, I’m not sure why you would want to get locked into a 2 year contract when you don’t even get unlimited minutes at such a low price.  For me to cut my plan down to a regular phone at the $39.99 monthly price which only gives 450 minutes, I would still be paying about $45 a month after taxes.  I would probably have to change my phone number, but that’s not such a big deal.

One of the biggest and easiest ways I could save money would be to stop eating out so much: this would help my budget and my health.  For several months I’ve been buying more food and cooking at home some, but I haven’t cooked that much because I’m just so mentally drained when I get home that I don’t feel like it.  Then, on the weekends, I don’t have the energy to cook.  I’m still not totally sure if that’s because I’m lazy or because I’m depressed.  At the least, it has to be a mix of both.  Otherwise, it’s just because I’m depressed.

The other thing I can do is quit the impulse buys!

The Universal Access Health Care bill just passed the Senate.  I’m not sure that was a good thing or not.  I don’t think it’s good enough and it has caused – or in the days to come – will cause an even greater divide among Republicans and Democrats which might cause Democrats to lose control in 2010 and it might even cause President Obama to lose a reelection in 2012.  What I’m also afraid of is that the insurance companies are going to end up winning, or finding a way to win, so they don’t lose money.  I think what we really need is insurance company reform!  I just don’t think our health should be a profit-driven business!  I think everyone should have equal access for health care.  I think we should have something like some of the other developed nations have – Universal Healthcare!  We should look at all the models out there and pick the best parts of each.  Another thing I’m worried about is the cost to me.  Dad said something about we would have to pay a lot for it and if we didn’t we would be fined.  For most people, if they could afford individual health insurance plans they would buy them.  I know I’ve looked into it before and the cost is outrageous!

As an update to what I posed last about the possibility of being fired on Monday, my boss didn’t check in tonight, he does live about 7 hours away, and he does have his weekly Monday conference call with the Home Office so maybe I won’t be.  Then he could fly in tomorrow…or the VP could fly in and do the deed himself.  But, I won’t be here past 12 because I have to work until 12P and then I’m going home and going to bed!  Actually, if I have energy – which I don’t think I will – I will fill out some applications.  I think I’ll just have to save that for Saturday…but the day after Christmas might not be the best time but at least the GM’s will have them on Monday morning.

Again, no editing…hope I didn’t f it up too many things!

A Blast from the Past – Part 1.1 – 13 Dollars and 13 Items

So it just so happens I found this little thing on my computer that I thought I had posted to the blog I am closing.  Guess I didn’t.  It was also written on 12.19.09, the same day I wrote the Random Activities post so I will throw this in extra and you’ll have a twofer for today!  Hope you enjoy!


This was originally written but not posted on 12.19.09

13 Dollars and 13 Items

 Last weekend while I was visiting a friend in St. Augustine we were talking about shopping at the Dollar Tree.  Some of the other stores people call the “dollar store” aren’t actually “dollar stores” because everything isn’t just a dollar.  Many people think they’re too good to shop at a dollar store, but I do occasionally go.  Tonight was one of those nights.  I bought 13 items and I only paid 13 dollars and some change – for tax.

One of the reasons I don’t go more often is because I’m not totally convinced these “everything is just a dollar” stores is a good bargain.  I’ve gone shopping and looked in these stores several different times and I’ve noticed the size of their packages and I think at Wal-Mart you could come out ahead if you bought what was at Wal-Mart as opposed to these dollar stores.

Tonight I went in with a plan.  I was looking for several items and wanted to first see how many of them I could find at Dollar Tree before going to Wal-Mart.  (I actually prefer to shop at Target but I currently don’t have as much money to spend and I know I will usually save money at Wal-Mart so, for now, Wally World is getting most of my business.  I actually want to try a little experiment with Target v. Wal-Mart later…but it will have to be when I have a little extra money.)  On my list was a pizza cutter, a small plastic container to put my craft scissors in, Styrofoam cups, and plastic spoons.  I didn’t know if I would find all these items, but I thought I would give it a try and see what I came up with.

I was able to find the plastic box for my crafting scissors.  I didn’t remember to look in Wal-Mart to see how much their boxes were for a similar size, but if memory serves me I have seen a similar size box for ninety-something cents and over a dollar.  I didn’t find the pizza cutter but I did find some measuring cups and I almost bought them but I thought I remembered seeing a set of measuring cups at Wal-Mart for 97 cents: I when I went to Wall-Mart tonight I did find the measuring cups and I bought them.  (Although I already have a set of measuring cups, these exact same ones, I wanted another set because I needed another one-cup measuring cup for Miss. Kitty’s cat food that I could keep in her dry food jar without having to take the one from my original set.)  I didn’t find the plastic spoons – I may have over looked them or, like Wal-Mart they probably don’t always have the same items.  But I did find the Styrofoam cups.  When I went to Wal-Mart the same quantity, I think, was 27 cents more.

Sometimes you come out ahead and sometimes you don’t.  What I did see were several decent snacks.  I bought a pack of chocolate cookies and they taste good.  At the store in St. Augustine I was able to find a travel coffee mug and lent rollers which I thought was a very good buy.  They also have neat Coke A Cola mugs which I’ve seen in several different Dollar Tree stores.  They also have a very good selection of cleaning products and personal hygiene items which is good if you’re not picky about the brand you use.

The thing that I was most excited about, being a big reader, were three books I found…and again they were all just one dollar.  The titles are: Bill and Dave: How Hewlett And Packard Built the World’s Greatest Company which I think might be interesting because it talks about the story of why and how they created such a successful company and their enlightened management style, as the author puts it on the front inside flap; Ice Bound: A Doctor’s Incredible Battle for Survival at the South Pole which is written by and about Doctor Jerri Nielsen who went to the South Pole to be part of – or help with – a science experiment and while she was there realized she had breast cancer which she diagnosed herself and I think even did a little surgery on herself; Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle For Control of the United States Supreme Court which sounds interesting.

Sometimes the best part of going to these stores is the…neat, different, or interesting things you might find that you didn’t realize you were looking for.  One of the great things I found was cleaning sponges that had 4 or 5 in a pack.  My sponges don’t last long because I throw them away often so it’s very nice to find them at such a good price because I know I pay much more than a dollar for them at other stores.

With all this being said, you will come out ahead if you only have a few dollars to spend and need to get several things.  Something I’ve always said: it might be nice to buy in bulk and you might come out saving money in the long run, but if you don’t have the money to spend you can always look for the best bargains.  This is where stores with everything costing only one dollar come in very, very handy.

Can I Cry Now, or Should I Wait

I’m not sure if I should cry now or wait…but I’m thinking now sounds pretty good.

I used to live the solo life but that didn’t seem to go so well.  I had a cheap place that I didn’t like because it was falling apart that I had the option to buy.  I toyed with that idea for a little while but thought it was really a horrid idea because I didn’t have the time or money to fix it up…and it would have had to be almost completely gutted to really make decent.  There was, I’m pretty fucking sure, some mold involved in the walls.  I know there was, along with a leaking roof, in one of the bedrooms.  It just wasn’t worth it.

So now I’m not living alone and I don’t like that at all.  I also have a lot of gas to pay for because I have to drive 35 miles each way to work…and my car does not get 35 miles to the gallon!

Anyway.  So I’ve been thinking about moving to the city I work in because not only am I tried of living with someone, I am also tired of spending so much money in gas.  Today, after all, gas is $3.82 a gallon and I’m guess it’s not going down anytime soon.  Summer is just around the corner, after all.  And thieves are running the country.

So I was adding up the bills that I have now, which equal about $1,620 per month…which would explain why I’m always broke.  And I also added up what I think my bills would be if I moved, $1,940.  And those totals are per month.  And they are just guesstimates.  I’m not exactly sure what I’m spending right now but I do need to find out.

As for what I’m spending right now, the only things I’m not completely sure about are the variables like food, gas, cigarettes, and then the other crap I spend my money on but probably shouldn’t.

As for the bills I think I would have when I moved everything is a variable at this point.  Well, at least almost everything.  My $340 car payment – which I will have for another 2 more years; my $250 student loan payment – which I will have…until I fucking die; and my $100 cell phone bill – which I will also have until I die…or become really, really poor.  While it is true I could reduce my cell phone bill by about $55 to $70 by going to a cheap ass Straight Talk prepaid minute phone, I don’t want to!  I’ve become quite accustomed to having a smartphone and do not want to live without it.  I had much rather quit smoking which would be a really fucking smart idea!

I’m actually hoping my student loan will go down soon because right now I’m in a recovery program because some dumbass ignored the payments for quite some time and was almost garnished.  I only have 2 to 5 more payments left at which time the bad marks on my credit should be removed.  I’m also hoping at that time, which is what they said, I will be able to lower my payment.  I’m really hoping to reduce it by about $100.  They did say I would be able to then qualify for more student loans or stop paying for them all together if I go back to school.  I would like to return to school but my current GPA would not allow for me to qualify for student loans at the moment and I don’t have the money, at the moment, to pay for the classes out right.

(When I got promoted a few years ago I quit school in the middle of the semester which completely  annihilated my previously good GPA.)

What I have guesstimated as the living expenses is $200 for food – which I’m not sure if it will be enough…certainly not if I want to start “eating healthy;” $500 for rent – which I’m really hoping will be about $100 less for a studio apartment instead of the one bedroom which I was hoping I would be able to afford but I now totally see is out of the question; $60 for internet – which I couldn’t live with out…at least I really wouldn’t want to; $130 for car insurance – which I’m currently not paying for because my day still pays my insurance; $100 for power – which I’m also hoping will be about $50 less since it will be a studio apartment which…is about 288 square feet; $40 for water/sewer; and $150 for gas.

The problem comes in that I only bring home $2,080 a month after taxes.  That would leave, if the bills are $1,940, only about $140 A MONTH left for any and everything extra…and all emergencies that come up, clothing, etc.  That is not enough!

I guess I should just wait until I get out of the student loan recovery and see how much my loan payments really do go down.  (But I sure as fucking hell don’t want to have to wait until my car is paid off…which will take another 2 years!)

And it’s not like I have the money for deposits and other stuff so it’s not like I could move out tomorrow if I wanted to.  I was thinking I should start buying stuff little by little for the new place – since I lost everything I owned in a storage unit incident – but now I’m thinking I should just save that money instead.

This is just depressing.  I really want to fucking move!  I want my own place.  I want to be able to fix the place just the way I want it…which will take fucking money I obviously won’t have!