It is 1:27AM on Wednesday, April 24, 2013.
I think I might start saying when I actually write a post. Some days, like today, I have been meaning to write a couple but I don’t want to post five entries in one day and then not post anything for the next five or more days. I mean, I know I’ve said I was going to start writing more often and never do. But…I really am going to try.
But leave me a comment! Tell me what YOU would like me to do? Would you rather me post things as soon as I write them even if it’s five things in one day? I want to increase my followers and I’m just not sure if that would be a good thing or not. I mean, I do want what I write to be read so…I’m thinking posting something every day might be good. Just one post a day. Then sometimes I might post two things in one day. And I’m going to tell you now…don’t think I will post something EVERY day. That just won’t happen. I don’t think I can do that, especially right now. And I don’t want to post variations on the same thing every day like “I’m feeling crazy” today. Eventually that shit will get tired.
Look, this is just a work in progress. I’m not completely sure what I’m going to do. I think I’m rambling now.
I’ve wondering if I’m feeling a little manic right now. Well, it’s not that I’m “feeling” a little manic, I just wonder if at the moment I’m not experiencing a state of mania. This is why.
I was going to try going to bed earlier. I had actually crawled into bed with my laptop at about 9:50 today. (By tonight I so totally mean Tuesday night the 23rd because as far as I’m concerned it’s still Tuesday night because I haven’t sent to sleep yet.) My plan was to read a few blogs that I found and then call it a night. I was going to try to go to bed by 10:30 or 11 at the latest and, hopefully, get a good nights sleep.
Last night, Monday night, I did go to bed at midnight but I woke up at 3 with slight heartburn and having to pee. Then I couldn’t go back to sleep until around 5. I almost got up and said the hell with it and went to work but then I fell asleep. Then I let my clock go off at 8, I think, and set it for 8:30 and the next thing I knew it was 9:30 and I should have been at work 30 minutes before I woke up. That’s normally for me. That’s something I really need to fucking change!
Anyway, back to tonight. At almost 10 my boss texts me asking if I’m tried of the way this company does things. She was trying to find out if I was past the point of no return yet or not.
I don’t really know what she would have done if I had said yes, and I’m not sure if talking to her about it would do any good. More on that at a later time.
The point is I was somewhere I should not have been at the time she called. I was supposed to be somewhere else (Vague, right? I know, this part of confusion is intentional but I’m keeping it that way for privacy matters.) so I got out of bed and left the place I should not have been because I didn’t want her calling me.
Anyway, I went back to my office and started doing some work. I didn’t have anything better to do so I did. I was going to clean things up a bit because, I swear. My fucking office looks like a god damn file cabinet exploded in there and all the fucking paper humped like hell and multiplied like mother-fucking rabbits! I mean it really is a problem. If you want to talk about being unorganized, that is totally what my office looks like at the moment.
Anyway. I did a little work and then left. I came to the Diner where I have been for…at least 2 hours, drinking coffee and working.
Now the good thing is this: I needed to get this work done. I needed a little extra time in my day. Especially since I didn’t come into work today until 11 and I left around…hell, I don’t remember. I think around 7 or 7:30, but still. I have a lot I need to do. It’s not like I went to work on time on Monday, either. And I sure didn’t work past 6 because I had another date. Did I write about that yet? I don’t remember. I did. I think. I think I went to the Coffee House and wrote about it today while I was on “lunch.” Or was that yesterday. See, I just can’t keep shit straight. No, I know the answer to this, it’s an open book test. I have the blog right in front of me so let me look.
Yes, it was today that I wrote about that…good for me. So anyway.
The downside to this is that it is 2AM right now and I should be sleeping. I do not do well getting up early, any day. Especially on the days that I didn’t get much sleep! I mean it’s nothing for me to sleep for 10 hours so getting only 4 or 5 hours just isn’t good for me. Not to mention then I get really tired during the day and afternoon.
So back to right now. I don’t know if this is mania or if I’m just concentrating and being productive. What’s the difference? How do you know what’s what? (I should totally look into that and write about it later.)
I know I have a problem concentrating. And it’s usually late at night, I think, when I really can concentrate and get things done. I mean sometimes at night and can go at it for a few hours on end and not be interrupted. But most of the time, anytime, I will start something and then immediately get sidetracked.
The internet is the worst thing. I can sit down to write and then end up going to YouTube or Amazon and looking at things and the next thing I know it’s 3 hours later and I’m halfway around the internet. Then I end up getting tired or running out of time and I don’t write anything. And the whole reason I sat down in the first place was to write something…or do something else that I just end of not doing.
But I’ve experienced this feeling before. It’s almost like when I used to smoke pot.
Now I never smoked an illegal drug, but if I had this is how it made me feel.
I would go on and on and on talking for, what seemed like, hours on the stupidest subject. I could go on endlessly about the way a blade of grass looked. It was a very hard concentration. I do wish I could get that feeling when I’m working during the day. I would be much more productive if I could.
I’ve thought about looking into seeing if my doctor would put me on something for ADD because I REALLY think I have it. I think I would be better at work if I took something like Adderall. I don’t know.