My Depressed Thoughts

I finished writing these thoughts at 12:16 in the morning…Sunday night, Monday morning.  These were my thoughts.  These were my thoughts while I was depressed.

It is now 9:37 Monday night and while I’m not saying I’m not still depressed, I am saying that I’m in a better mood.

And I’m not saying this is a poem.  Not exactly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just want to escape so badly.
I want to go away.
I want people to miss me and wish they treated me better.
I want people to wish they saw me.

Will they miss me?

I want to disappear.

I want to start over.

I want a do over.
Everybody should get a do over.

Would I be more friendly?
I’m not rude.
I haven’t been rude.

Would I get out of my shell?
I have lived in a shell.
I’m shy.

Would I be more outgoing?
I could be infections.
I could be friendly.
I could be open.

But I have been open.
If you have been special.

Why don’t people like me?
Why can’t I be loved?
I could love.

I want to go away.
I need to go away.
I’m away now but I’m here.
I’m just here.

Am I in the right mental state for a do over?
Would I just fuck it all up again?

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