12.15.13 – Random Update

So I might have done something this weekend, but you will have to wait to hear about that.  Instead, let me tell you what I did this weekend.

I had planned on going to the library or the new coffee shop in town on Saturday morning to get some work done.  I wanted to write the post which I didn’t do earlier.  In my last post I said that I wanted to get the blog for the next day started if not completely finished.  It was about my sex life.  Well, it was really late by the time I got the one I did post finished and posted and I think I went home and just watched TV.  That was Thursday night.

On Friday night I did part of the stupid thing that was totally turned down, a bit harshly, I might add, and was just depressed.  So instead of staying at the coffee shop I normally go to almost every night I went home depressed and started catching up on Scandal.  (I’m completely addicted to that show, btw.)

When I went home I was so depressed that I could have almost cried.  Like that is totally what I wanted to do.  So I guess I will tell you that story, but it still isn’t the really stupid thing that I did.

So I’m on the hookup sites.  Well, I was.  I have been on them for a while.  I had my real picture on there for a while and I did hook-up with a couple of people but I got depressed and discouraged and deleted my accounts.  I can’t really remember but that might have been around the time I was ending things with SBBC, which I will tell you about later.

Some time later, I don’t remember how much later, I got back on the sites but this time I didn’t put my picture.  I would send my picture when I started a conversation with someone to see if they were interested.  Nine times out of ten they never were after I sent my picture.

Now I have told you how I look before.  I’m not hideous but I think to the gay community I am.  Getting turned down all the fucking time will really wear on you.

So there is this guy that I have seen on one of the sites and we have talked before.  The last time we talked, which was also the first time we talked, he said that he did want to hook up because I asked him if he wanted a blow job and he said just but was very busy with going to the gym and then having to study when he got home.  I did not say no, he said he was thinking about it but really needed to get some stuff done.

So a while later I messaged him again and he did not respond.  I almost didn’t message him Friday night but decided to give it a try.  What can I say, I was fucking horny.  I’ve been very horny lately.

Well he replied back using my name.  I was wondering how he got my fucking name but he said I had also contacted him on another site and he kept turning me down.  Well, I don’t fucking remember this and I know I never saw his fucking picture on the other site.  To my knowledge, this site we were on Friday was the only site I saw him or talked to him on.

He proceeded to tell me that he has been trying to turn me down nicely but I keep persisting.  He said “Mark, man I told you I’m not interested.”

Well, he never fucking told me that.

There is another site that is popular that I also use and I am always turned down on that site.  But I never saw his picture and he never told me it was him.  I have a lot of people that as soon as I send them my picture they just block me.  This is how it usually works….

I will contact someone asking them if they want a blow job.  I love sucking dick, what can I say.  They say “maybe” or “possibly” or “yes” or “depends.”  Then they ask to see my picture.  Then they either say no, or they totally ignore me, or they just block me right off without saying anything that all.

It is getting fucking old but when he told me that I was just so totally fucking done with everything.  I would be lying if I didn’t say the thought crossed my mind, not that I would have done anything about it, that I was glad I didn’t have a gun tonight.  It’s just so fucking depressing.

So, I deleted both my profiles and said to myself, “If I ever fucking lose weight, and if I have to say in this fucking town much longer, after I do lose weight, I will never fucking date someone in this fucking town!”  I also posted something on my Facebook page saying everyone here could go fuck themselves!  I know, nice, right!

But I was just so fucking done.  I need to start taking the Prozac again.

So, not that that is a reasonable excuse, but that is why I haven’t posted an update.  But, this is what I have done this weekend and I guess that’s what a journal is for…to tell you what I’ve been up to.

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