Monday, June 10, 2013
So when I get nervous one of the things that happens to me is I get tired. If all of a sudden I’m tired and yawning, it could be a sign
I’m nervous. I don’t know what the deal is. Most people have the fight or flight mechanism kick in when they’re upset, or nervous – when they since fear, or something to be fearful of, is present. Not me, I just want to roll over and play dead. I want to crawl into bed – or a corner – and pull the covers over my eyes and pretend you can’t see me and the problem isn’t here.
I think I’m about to go visit my fuck buddy. I’ve turned him away several times and when he texted me earlier today asking if I wanted to get together I said “maybe.” Then he texted back a frowning face and asked me if I was getting tired of him. I said “no.” What I would have liked to say is, “No, but it would be nice if you would fucking kiss me!”
We’ve had this conversation before. In fact, the last time we talked about this it was…maybe about a month…before we hooked up again. Something about kissing is just the line drawn in the sand for “straight men.” Oh, did I forget that part? Yeah, this guy is “straight.” If he were bi I wouldn’t put bi in parentheses, “straight,” however, deserves some added scrutiny.
So it’s been a couple of hours since I started this post. I was taking a quick coffee break from work. Now it’s after work and I texted him to see if he was still free and wanted to get together. He said no, he was “spent.”
I asked him if he had found someone else. He had, it some girl. We might hook up later tonight but he doesn’t know yet. I told him we should.
Before I end this for now, I want to finish my point about getting nervous.
I’m not sure why I do it. When we are about to get together – and we have several times – I get nervous. And most of the time I also get sleepy. The part I don’t understand is the getting sleepy part. I mean I also don’t understand why I get nervous when I’m about to see him. And it’s not just him, it’s other guys I’m about to hook up with regardless of if this is our first time or now.
And I get sleepy when I get nervous about other things, too. I don’t get it. Does that happen to any of you?
So there’s more to this story. Would you be opposed to hearing sexual details? Would you be opposed to hearing more about my sex life? Leave a comment and let me know.
I think I could turn this into a little series and talk about this guy, and a few others. Or even a few other experiences. Tell me what you think about that! I’d love to hear what you have to say. You can comment or email me at lifeonmygayisland at gmail dot com.
So for now, comment and like and there will be more to come in this story.