Quick Thoughts on the Paula Deen Issue and Race

Oh there are some people who aren’t going to like this, but it’s the truth.

So everyone is up in arms with Paula Deen and what she said.  At first I was thinking…people are getting a little carried away.  And I really got upset today when I heard that the Food Network will not be renewing her contract that is set to expire at the end of this month.  Then…I did a little digging.

So here’s the thing: I like Paula Deen.  Some people say her voice is fake, (that is coming from a “friend” of mine who doesn’t like her but that “friend” is just a bitch anyway) but I love listening to her.  I even bought her memoir on audio because she read it and I like hearing her talk.  She seems like a nice person – from what I have seen on TV.  I also saw that she, at least at one point, had a gay personal assistant and I know she has some gay help with hair, makeup and wardrobe.  I think that is even something she has said in an interview before.  I do think she is genially a nice person!  And I do hate to hear what is happening to her and I do not think she is a mean or bad person!  With that being said….

I saw online that the transcript was leaked on a deposition she did.  I read over what Huffington Post used in an article they did: it doesn’t make her look good.  But then I read some of the actual transcript and it actually makes her look worse, I think.  But part of me really believes she did not think this would be out in public and that it was better to tell the truth – since she didn’t think it would be leaked – than lie and stick to something politically correct.  And keep in mind, I have not read every word!  All I did was skim through parts of the news articles and transcript!  At the moment I’m not interested enough to read every word!

So now we know Paula doesn’t always know when to keep her mouth closed and she’s capable of horrible fucking ideas when she thought for a minute about doing a “plantation-style wedding.”  That was stupid.  But have any of us not also come up with some stupid ideas?  I think we have.  The problem is she let too many people know about them.  Sometimes you just need to keep a few things between your fucking ears and never let those ideas escape your mouth!

And she shouldn’t use phrases like “I try to go with whatever the black race is wanting to call themselves at each given time. I try to go along with that and remember that.”  (This phrase comes directly from the transcript, not from a news report I have read.)

Now for real life, here comes the real truth: people are racist.  In the year 2013 there are still a ton of people who are racist.  Especially people in the fucking south!  How do I know this?  Because I’m from the fucking south and that is not something that I admit to a lot of people!  Do I think what she said is right?  No!  Do I think she should be burned at the stake for it?  No!  Why?  Because all these people who want to burn her at the stake need to clean out their own fucking closets before they try to complain about the skeletons in hers!

The honest truth is that most people in the south area at least a little racist.  And when I say that I am including black people.  I can tell you from personal experience there are a lot of black people who do not like white people and they do not like having to deal with them!  There is still a ton of people who are racist in this country and I do not know how that will ever change.  Part of me thinks we’re just going to have to wait for them to die off.  I know that sounds bad but I don’t know any other way to put it that will make it sound better.  Just like the progression in gay rights, we are going to have to wait for the people who don’t like us to die off and get out of office before we will be able to completely progress to where we should be.  I feel the same way about civil rights and people who are racist.

You have to remember that it was not all that long ago that schools were segregated in this country.  The Civil Rights movement didn’t come about until the 1960s.  That is less than 60 years ago!  There are still a lot of people – black people – who are very distrusting of white people.  Is that good?  No.  Is that substantiated?  Yes.  Do we all need to move past that?  Yes.  Will we?  I’m not really holding out hope anymore.

I just hope Paula Deen has enough money to continue her lifestyle without working anymore.  I’m not saying she won’t work in the future, or won’t make money, but I really hope she can continue her current lifestyle…or live even better!  I still like her and really don’t think she meant to do anything “bad.”  She’s just from a different generation and I guess nobody told her how to be politically correct after she got money.  I still don’t think she should completely be excused, but part of me does think she should have been a little less honest in the deposition.

These are just some quick thoughts I’m having right now.  Race in America is something that I have been wanting to write about.  These are just quick thoughts and I’m not taking the time to go back and edit this and make it sound better or more professional.  I think race is something that we need to talk about because there are a lot of people who have some work to do regarding this subject.  While we have moved a long way, there is still a much further way we need to move.

Was Paula wrong for what she said?  YES!

What are your honest thoughts and opinions on this?

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Flat Tire – I Was Proud of Myself

So I woke up this morning at 7.  Good for me.  Then I went back to bed and didn’t actually get up until 9.  Why 9?  Because my boss called me on my cell phone.  I don’t think she knew I had just woke up…I played it cool with my voice, I think.  If she did know she didn’t say anything.  I do know she first called my office but she didn’t say anything.  I’m cutting it close, I know.

So then I was thinking, “well, if I quickly shower and get dressed and leave by 9:30 that will put me in the office by 10 and that should be about the time” – I was totally guessing – “she is getting to her office.  So if she calls me after that there will be no questions.”

Well, I didn’t iron clothes last night, either.  So that took even longer.  It was about 10 minutes before 10 when I finally left the house.

On Sunday I realized I needed to replace one of the tires on my car; mettle threads were showing and sticking out of the tire.  I realized there was a problem when my car started bouncing down the road more than it usually does.  I looked.  I saw.  I did not curse or use fowl language.  (I was really proud of myself.)

Monday I went to the guy I normally use so I could get a new tire.  He’s a really nice guy and I trust him.  That, in my opinion, is huge.  I always feel…at a disadvantage, for the lack of a better word…when I need to have anything done to my car.  I know how to drive it but I don’t know how to fix it.  He wasn’t there.  Some other guy was there so I don’t know if he took over or is just taking some time off.  From the way the new guy sounded, he’s the new owner.  Hopefully he’s not because I don’t like him as much as the other guy.

He said he didn’t have the size I needed but should on Wednesday: that is today.

This morning my tire went flat.  I did not curse or say anything bad.  (I was very proud of myself.)

A flat tire on a Mercury Villager van.

A flat tire on a Mercury Villager van. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I saw him he asked me how many miles I drive everyday.  I told him about 70.  That’s a low number, but whatever.  He said it wouldn’t last that long.  I thought he might be right, but I’ve been told that by other tire people – not with this tire and not with tires that were this bad – and they were wrong.  I knew I needed to be careful because I knew it could go out at any time.

Turns out he was right.

There are not a lot of things I would say I’m good at but admitting with I’m legitimately wrong is one of them.  Beyond that, admitting when I have done something stupid.  I have done a lot of stupid things in life.  If I took the time to list all the stupid things I’ve done, and continue to do, I would be here all day.

So I was very proud of myself – not for the first time with something like this – when I did not get upset when my tire went flat.  I didn’t get upset and I acted like it was no big deal because with all things considered, it wasn’t.

It also probably helped that I have been taking my Prozac like I’m supposed to and I haven’t been in a rageful mood.

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The Never-ending Day

Tuesday, June 11, 2013 – 3:13PM

I’m not having a bad day or anything, I just want it to be over with.  I want to be able to go home.  And by go home I really mean

Interior of the 1938 Diner in Wellsboro, Tioga...

Interior of the 1938 Diner in Wellsboro, Tioga County, Pennsylvania, United States (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

just go to the coffee shop and relax and maybe do some writing.  Or play on the internet…I do that a lot, too.  This just seems like one of those days that is crawling by and will never end.  And the funny thing is I got a pretty good amount of sleep last night.  I shouldn’t be tired.  And I’m not really, I’m just in one of those moods where I want to go home.  I don’t want to be “on” and I don’t want to be around people I have to be remotely cheery around.

I got the idea for a new story and I would also like to start work on that, at least the outline.  I think it will be good but there will be some research I first need to know.  I don’t know how long it will be, but it won’t bet past the first sentence if I don’t at least start it!

I had to run an errand for work this morning and stopped to get lunch while I was gone.  It was actually around noon so it was time for lunch.  I had been wanting breakfast food since I went to bed last night but didn’t get up early enough this morning to go before work.  I stopped at this diner that I have only been to once before.  It’s on a side of town that I don’t usually go to.

While I was there it wasn’t very busy but I was wishing I had my computer with me.  It was probably only one step down from what I would consider a true diner.  The reason I say one step down is because it is a chain, but it really felt like a diner.  Diners kind of interest me.

I never think of anything really great when I think of a diner.  I always think of something kind of dirty and kind of poor.  Where the lower classes of society go.  I know I’m wrong for a variety of reasons when I say that but it’s still what always comes to mind.  I would like to do some writing in that diner because I think I could hit on something good.  I know, I’m strange.

I’m going to go so I can get back to work and hopefully get this day over with.  Only a few more hours to go.  I can’t wait to go home.

And, I hope the tire on my car lasts to get me home and then back to work!  It’s looking quite “ratchet.”

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Nervous & Straight – Part 1

Monday, June 10, 2013

So when I get nervous one of the things that happens to me is I get tired.  If all of a sudden I’m tired and yawning, it could be a sign

Get Nervous

Get Nervous (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m nervous.  I don’t know what the deal is.  Most people have the fight or flight mechanism kick in when they’re upset, or nervous – when they since fear, or something to be fearful of, is present.  Not me, I just want to roll over and play dead.  I want to crawl into bed – or a corner – and pull the covers over my eyes and pretend you can’t see me and the problem isn’t here.

I think I’m about to go visit my fuck buddy.  I’ve turned him away several times and when he texted me earlier today asking if I wanted to get together I said “maybe.”  Then he texted back a frowning face and asked me if I was getting tired of him.  I said “no.”  What I would have liked to say is, “No, but it would be nice if you would fucking kiss me!”

We’ve had this conversation before.  In fact, the last time we talked about this it was…maybe about a month…before we hooked up again.  Something about kissing is just the line drawn in the sand for “straight men.”  Oh, did I forget that part?  Yeah, this guy is “straight.”  If he were bi I wouldn’t put bi in parentheses, “straight,” however, deserves some added scrutiny.

So it’s been a couple of hours since I started this post.  I was taking a quick coffee break from work.  Now it’s after work and I texted him to see if he was still free and wanted to get together.  He said no, he was “spent.”

I asked him if he had found someone else.  He had, it some girl.  We might hook up later tonight but he doesn’t know yet.  I told him we should.

Before I end this for now, I want to finish my point about getting nervous.

I’m not sure why I do it.  When we are about to get together – and we have several times – I get nervous.  And most of the time I also get sleepy.  The part I don’t understand is the getting sleepy part.  I mean I also don’t understand why I get nervous when I’m about to see him.  And it’s not just him, it’s other guys I’m about to hook up with regardless of if this is our first time or now.

And I get sleepy when I get nervous about other things, too.  I don’t get it.  Does that happen to any of you?

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So there’s more to this story.  Would you be opposed to hearing sexual details?  Would you be opposed to hearing more about my sex life?  Leave a comment and let me know.

I think I could turn this into a little series and talk about this guy, and a few others.  Or even a few other experiences.  Tell me what you think about that!  I’d love to hear what you have to say.  You can comment or email me at lifeonmygayisland at gmail dot com.

So for now, comment and like and there will be more to come in this story.

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Sunday, June 9, 2013 – This Weekend Was Fun

Sunday, June 9, 2013 – Actually Monday morning at 12:17AM – This Weekend Was Fun

I didn’t do anything special, but this was a fun, relaxing weekend.

I had planned to get up around 10ish this morning (Sunday morning), however I did not.  I did not get up until 1.  And then at 2 I took a nap.  It was supposed to be a thirty minute nap, but it turned into a 2 hour nap.  I’m okay with that.

Yesterday, Saturday, I went to Sun City which is about an hour north of where I work and an hour and half north of where I live.  I like it there and I have to go there for work a lot but I never go to any of the stores or do anything other than pass through it when I go.  Yesterday I went to the mall and bookstore.  I didn’t go downtown, which I really like, but still, I enjoyed the city and had fun.  (Down town is pretty much an entirely different place compared to the rest of Sun City.)

I also went to Best Buy because I was looking for a new computer bag…and I just wanted to shop.

I’ve been thinking a lot about not spending money lately, and I haven’t spent that much.  But I did spend about $50 in the bookstore, and $20 on a pair of sunglasses.  I also bought some Van’s, which I really like, that were on sale for $30, but I didn’t.  And they were even in my new favorite color and I still resisted.

I figured I had already spent enough and I didn’t need any more shoes right now, which is all true.

While I was at Best Buy I found a laptop bag I thought I wanted and I was going to go back and get it if I didn’t find anything better in the mall.  For whatever reason, I did not return to get it after leaving the mall.  I think that is because I had decided to go to another city on Sunday and would go to the computer store and see what they had.  I thought they might have a bigger selection.

Well then on Sunday I didn’t get up in time to go…it’s about an hour south of where I live.  I did, however, end up going to Best Buy there and bought it.  It is Swiss Gear or Swiss Guard and I paid $79 for it.  I wanted something with a better name if I was going to spend that much but I went with it.  Now, I’m not sure I like it.  I will return it if I don’t…but I think Best Buy charges a restock fee for returns.  Actually, I returned something the other day and they didn’t.  It was a while back, not the other day, but still.

The thing I don’t like about it is that it feels top heavy…and it doesn’t sit on my shoulder right.  If it’s not going to be comfortable it will be returned.  But, it does have plenty of space for my stuff!

Oh, and the most exciting purchase I made on Saturday was a new Screaming Meanie alarm clock.  Truckers use them; they are super loud.  Maybe I can wake up on time now.  It was $35.

I’m having problems with either the internet or my computer, I’m not sure which.

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June 5, 2013 – So Far, So Good

Well I think I’m pissing some people off, but that’s okay.  They really haven’t seen anything yet.  It will be a little extra work for me, but that’s okay.

I didn’t get up at 6:30 like I had planned, but I did get to work by 9:30 which really, for me lately, isn’t that bad.  I was able to get things started like I wanted.  There is still a lot of work left to do today but we will just have to deal with a long day.  I, too, will have to deal with a long day.

It’s break time again.  And yes, I did upset a few people and more are to come.

So here’s the thing.  There is one guy who is really upset about some of the new rules and so far they don’t even affect him.  The funny thing is, while I don’t know he has stolen something from me, if I had to guess I would say he has.  And, on top of that, I know he would!

But the big thing with him is that he is friends with the other people…some of which I “know” has been taking things.  While I can’t prove it, I know I’m right.  I would love to be able to catch her.  In fact, there were some things that were left unattended last night when I left work and this morning they were not there.  I’m guessing she took them.  Somebody did and this one person in particular is about the phone one who was there.

One of the things I did figure out between yesterday and today is that I really do need to change my hiring practices.  But the area I am in is really difficult to hire good people – especially for what we pay.  While we don’t pay the absolute minimum, we don’t pay that much above it, either.  But there has got to be something I could do and I think some heads are really going to roll.  I don’t know if this will work but we will just have to sit back and see.

And this might not change anything.  And, some of the things I think people are taking are things I can’t really keep under lock and key.  That truly is the frustrating part.  Actually, that is one of two frustrating parts.  The other is that everyone involved, and who I think “might” be involved are friends.

Some of the new hiring practices are not that “far,” and by fair I mean “legal.”  I don’t want to go there but I really think I might need to.

I think I’ve rambled enough and had a long enough break.  I need to get back and take care of some of the other things I need to get done.  I have a lot of notes I need to make tonight and a lot of sorting through paper in my office that I need to do.  I still have a lot of paperwork…and cleaning…that needs to get done.

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June 4, 2013 – The Start of Something New?

So here’s the thing…I manage people.  That’s my big confession for today.

I know, right?  Can you fucking imagine?  A crazy person who doesn’t like people not only having to deal with people but having to actually manage them, too.

A the moment I’m taking a little break from work – at 8:07P-fucking-M – because I’m catching up on a lot of stuff I need to do…have been wanting to get done for a while.  I’m also doing a lot of work in one particular department because I think they’ve been fucking things up left, right, and center and I’ve got to get a handle on that.  Overall I think they’re doing well but there’s about to be a lot of changes all over the place.

I do have a lot left to do and there’s some important paperwork that I need to create and implement in order for part of the problems I’m trying to fix to remain solved.  It will take a little initial work on my part but I think after that we’ll be okay.  I just hope I get up in time in the morning and still feel like doing crap when I get back tonight.  I was hoping I could go to bed around 9 but clearly that will not happen.  Plus I’m hungry…I need to eat.  I’ll be doing really good to get into bed at 11:30 but at the moment that’s my goal.

There are a few things at work that I would like to get better at.  Lately I’ve been thinking about what I want to do next and if I do stay in this line of work, which I think will be the only way I can continue making the money I’m making…which isn’t much.  The only thing is, if I start doing something else I don’t know that I’ll be able to make as much and this is what I need – at least – to live.  And I don’t live a “nice” life….  Oh well.