I initially started writing this on Friday. It is now Saturday. I’m still going to post this but I will first finish it with the now necessary updates. I think it is very telling.
I didn’t take my Prozac this morning, and I didn’t take it yesterday…and I can’t recall if I took it the day before that or not.
What I do know, however, is that I’m said right now.
I’m not sure if it is because I don’t have anything to do tonight…or anyone to do it with. Or if I am just really feeling down because of the chemical imbalance in my brain, or what. I don’t know. I just know this moment isn’t a great moment. It hasn’t been all afternoon. I’m not sure if it started before or after he told me he had plans and wouldn’t be able to do anything. I was hoping we could get together. I was hoping I could see him. I was hoping I would finally get to kiss him.
What I do know, is that I wish I had taken the pills earlier. I did finally take them around 6 or 7 tonight when I was leaving work. I just wish I had taken them earlier.
I wish I wouldn’t wait to take them. I wish I would take them every day like I’m supposed to.
Later that night, around 12:30 on Saturday morning but really to me it was still Friday night, he called me. Or texted me.
He told me he was leaving the party and wanted to know where I was and if I wanted to get together. I told him where I was and that he could come over…I’d love to get together. Instantly I was no longer in a downer of a mood.
He came over and wanted me to get in the car; I did.
We went driving and he had two 40s in his car. Well, now I had never:
1. Drank a 40.
2. Gone drinking in riding.
3. Never been in the car while they were drinking and driving.
But I thought there’s always a first for everything so I soon loosened up and went along with the ride. He said I had to drink the 40 before we went back to my place.
Actually, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. He said if I was uncomfortable – because I’m sure he could tell I was less than ecstatic about the plans – we could go back. It was actually kind of fun. Not what I would think to do, but it was okay. He even let me know this was a “date.” More on that will come in a different post.
We ended up spending the night together. But the point of this was that I guess sometimes I’m sad because I have nothing better to do.
Well, let me rephrase that: maybe I’m sometimes sad because I really am “lonely.”
I do live a solitary life. That is something that bothers me.
So that is all for now. I have a lot more writing I hope to get done today because I want to catch you up and tell you the story of J – the guy I have been seeing/talking to.