Prozac Time

I initially started writing this on Friday.  It is now Saturday.  I’m still going to post this but I will first finish it with the now necessary updates.  I think it is very telling.

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Friday

I didn’t take my Prozac this morning, and I didn’t take it yesterday…and I can’t recall if I took it the day before that or not.

Fluoxetine HCl 20mg Capsules (Prozac)

Fluoxetine HCl 20mg Capsules (Prozac) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What I do know, however, is that I’m said right now.

I’m not sure if it is because I don’t have anything to do tonight…or anyone to do it with.  Or if I am just really feeling down because of the chemical imbalance in my brain, or what.  I don’t know.  I just know this moment isn’t a great moment.  It hasn’t been all afternoon.  I’m not sure if it started before or after he told me he had plans and wouldn’t be able to do anything.  I was hoping we could get together.  I was hoping I could see him.  I was hoping I would finally get to kiss him.

What I do know, is that I wish I had taken the pills earlier.  I did finally take them around 6 or 7 tonight when I was leaving work.  I just wish I had taken them earlier.

I wish I wouldn’t wait to take them.  I wish I would take them every day like I’m supposed to.

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Sunday

Later that night, around 12:30 on Saturday morning but really to me it was still Friday night, he called me.  Or texted me.

He told me he was leaving the party and wanted to know where I was and if I wanted to get together.  I told him where I was and that he could come over…I’d love to get together.  Instantly I was no longer in a downer of a mood.

He came over and wanted me to get in the car; I did.

We went driving and he had two 40s in his car.  Well, now I had never:

1. Drank a 40.

2. Gone drinking in riding.

3. Never been in the car while they were drinking and driving.

But I thought there’s always a first for everything so I soon loosened up and went along with the ride.  He said I had to drink the 40 before we went back to my place.

Actually, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.  He said if I was uncomfortable – because I’m sure he could tell I was less than ecstatic about the plans – we could go back.  It was actually kind of fun.  Not what I would think to do, but it was okay.  He even let me know this was a “date.”  More on that will come in a different post.

We ended up spending the night together.  But the point of this was that I guess sometimes I’m sad because I have nothing better to do.

Well, let me rephrase that: maybe I’m sometimes sad because I really am “lonely.”

I do live a solitary life.  That is something that bothers me.

So that is all for now.  I have  a lot more writing I hope to get done today because I want to catch you up and tell you the story of J – the guy I have been seeing/talking to.

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