A friend of mine was supposed to come down to see me. This is how it all started….
On Monday she texted me and asked if I was free this weekend. She said she wanted to go to “Prettieville” which is a really
nice and popular town about an hour and half south of me. I told her I didn’t know. I wasn’t in the best mood – I can’t remember how often I wasn’t taking my medication – and I really didn’t know what would be going on for me this weekend. I didn’t know how work was going to go.
If I were being honest I would say I just didn’t know if I would feel like going. That’s one of the problems living with depression: you never know when you will feel good and when you won’t. For me, I honestly don’t know if I’m going to do something until I do it. I’ll try to remember to talk about in a later post.
Anyway, I told her I didn’t know. She said she could go somewhere else and then I think she said she could find something else to do. I took that as she changed her mind and she was still going to come because there were some other messages in between “she could go somewhere else/do something else” and “she would find something to do.” I did tell her I would text her and let her know later.
Well then I got busy with work and the next thing I knew it was Thursday. Maybe Wednesday…but I think it was Thursday. That’s yesterday (from the time I’m writing this) if you’re keeping track. I know that’s a short notice for me to show interest in this trip but it is what it is.
Well, I never heard from her.
Meanwhile, during the week I was thinking about going to Prettieville and thought it would be fun. We talked before, when we first meet through a mutual friend of ours, that it would be fun to do because she’s always wanted to go there and it’s a city I really love.
Well, long story short, I still haven’t heard from her and it is currently Friday night/Saturday morning. I texted her and sent her a message on Facebook, which she is always very quick to respond to. I don’t know what’s going on.
There’s a bit of a…complicated story behind her and her life, from what I gather. I’m not certain she doesn’t also have a problem with depression. I really hope she didn’t feel dejected or anything when I first told her I didn’t know if I would be able to go or not. I did ask if we could do this some other time so I could have a little advanced planning.
But, I’m going to tell you something about me and “advanced planning.” It sucks!
I recently went on a really nice trip that a friend of mine paid for because she had the ticket and her other friend who was originally supposed to go with her canceled at the last minute. She said that was my birthday and Christmas present from her. It was a really fucking good present. Probably the best one I’ve ever gotten!
Actually, there’s no fucking question: hands down that was the best Christmas present I have ever gotten! It was the best trip of my life!
Anyway. After thinking about this all week I’ve gotten excited and thought, hell, I want to fucking go to Prettieville!
I mean I have to drive there for work at least once a week. It’s not like I get paid for that trip, but I still have to go. That’s a whole other story in and of itself.
So I think I’m going to go.
I haven’t planned anything yet. And at the moment – it’s currently 3:19 in the morning on Saturday. I had planned to be in bed before now because I wanted to get up early in the morning to clean out my car before I went. It is supposed to rain the first part of the day but I could still find something to do indoors before going to the best part of the city and walking around all the bars and shops. I mean, it really is a great places!
But the whole point of this (a page later if you’re typing this in Word like I am), is that I honestly don’t know if I will go or what I will do when I get there.
Living with depression is a life about not knowing what is going to happen next or what you will do next. Your mood can change so rapidly, at least mine can but I think I’m a little bipolar.
So I’m going to bed now. It is now 3:23 and I feel like I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I feel like I could fall asleep right here.
Oh, the other thing I was going to say is I was thinking about maybe spending the night in Prettieville but I don’t know if I will or not. It would be under the guise of “getting some writing done” and “getting some reading done” so I can “catch up on my reading and writing.” I just don’t actually think any of that would get done. But I might try being a whore.
Anyway, I wanted to write a little more. And I feel like this is more rambling than anything and I also feel like there was another direction I wanted to head with this blog but…it’s 3:25 and I can’t see straight. Plus I have to take some laundry out of the dryer so nobody takes any of it overnight. (I don’t have a washer/dryer in my house which I really hate.)
On a quick housekeeping note: I want to thank the people who come to my blog and, hopefully, read it. I really will try to start posting more regularly…that’s the goal, at least. I think once I do I will increase my readership because I really do have some interesting things I want to write about. Well, interesting if you find psychology and living with mental illness interesting.
Maybe tomorrow I will look over this and write another entry and clean up part of this. Or remember where I was really headed.