A Blast from the Past – Part Seven – Not for Nothing

Another old post, enjoy!

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This post was originally posted on 1.10.10

Not for Nothing

I think I did this same thing last weekend – or the weekend before, but I really hope I’m not doing it in vain.

Yesterday I went to my dad’s storage to get some of my totes of books and craft stuff to bring back to my place.  Earlier today I was taking the stuff out, cleaning the living room, and putting the books on the bookshelf.  (I need more bookshelves!)

I really hope I’m not doing this today, only to have to pack everything back up because I have to move out, soon.  That would really be devastating!  Not only would it be a huge hit to my ego, but I would also think about this the next time I was unpacking – trying to make a home – because I would be thinking there’s no real use because I’m just going to have to put this back because I can never live on my own!

Or maybe it’s just my depression talking.

I think some of my very annoying neighbors may have moved out…I wonder why.  I hope they’re going to a “better place,” even though I can’t imagine that.  But I do hope they weren’t kicked out.

I’m actually 2 months behind rent, so I just found out.  I’ll be catching that up next payday.

When I first took this house over from my dad, the landlord had said something about making “other arrangements” in a year…I think that year is almost up.  We were talking to him once before about buying this place…we’ve kind of always been on something like a “rent-to-own” deal.  I don’t know if that’s what he’s talking about or not.  I really don’t want to move because the rent is so cheap.  Even though, I do need to get a better place but that is something I will write more about later.  I just don’t want to be evicted because I have no money saved up to get another place and I really don’t want to have to move back in with dad…I’m too old for that.  Him moving in with me is one thing, but not me moving in with him.

I was wondering what I would be doing at 9 PM tonight.  I was thinking earlier today, “I don’t want to be going to the grocery store at 9 PM like I usually do on Sunday night.”

I’m about to go to the grocery store to get a few things I’ll need for the week and I really have to be at work on time in the morning because I didn’t go in any over the weekend and I have a lot to do to get ready for inspection…which I have no clue when will be.

Just some unedited, possibly grammatically incorrect, thoughts.

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A Blast from the Past – Part Six – So This Was Christmas

Another old post.  I guess I could have saved this post for this Christmas, but I wanted to go ahead and post it now.  Hope you enjoy.  

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This was originally posted on 12.26.09

So This Was Christmas

This was a pretty good Christmas.  Actually, it was probably the best Christmas I’ve had in a while.

I believe last year I was off but for quite a few years, previous, I worked.  Most of the time, if it was a day I would normally have off, I would volunteer to work just so I would have something to do other than sit at home.  I’ve probably done this ever since my grandmother died.  While she was alive, we would go over to her house.  After she passed…which I think was around 2000, we never really did anything…it was just like a regular day.  I think there might have been one year that dad and I went out to dinner, but the rest of the time we did nothing.

I don’t remember if it was while granny was still alive, but I did actually cook and they came to our house.  I think that might have been the last Christmas she was alive…but then again I could be thinking of a different time I cooked and they came over – there weren’t many of those times.

This year was nice because we weren’t living together – I love having my own place, again – and I went over to his place and we went to his neighbors and ate.  (He lives on his neighbors land and I kind of consider it one big place.)  We had lunch around 12 and then I went back at 4 and we had coffee and pastries.

When I got there around lunch time, I did feel like a shmuck because the first thing he said was that he heard I bought a Santa outfit for Ms. Kitty.  He had just gotten off the phone with my sister, Rebecca, who told him about the card I had sent.  The reason I felt like a shmuck is because I didn’t bring him a card.  I had a few extra cards, I don’t know why I didn’t think to give him one!  I can be a bad son, at times.

There weren’t any gift exchanges because we’re all pretty broke right now.  Next year I would like to have a little money to give everyone a gift.  Otherwise, this was a very good Christmas.

A Blast from the Past – Part Five – Randomness #3

Another old post, hope you enjoy.

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This was originally posted on 12.24.12

Randomness #3

 Earlier this week I was thinking if I didn’t get fired this week, maybe I should call Mr. Calm, my boss, and have a “confessional conversation” with him and explain some of the mental issues I have been dealing with for the past several months (about 6 to 8 months…but really it has been more like a year).  This is, after all, the reason for my lackluster performance.  All this stress of “am I getting fired,” “will I get fired,” is just getting to me and it’s stopping me from doing the things I really need to do so I don’t get fired…if I haven’t done anything big enough, so far.

Then I was thinking, maybe I’m just being too hard on myself.  He doesn’t know – and I hope he doesn’t find out – some of the “secrets and details” of some of the things I’ve done…or not done.  (Keep in mind, none of the things I’ve done is illegal; they are just things I’ve done that are against company policy.  Well…there might be one thing I’ve allowed that is against labor laws…but I didn’t ask, they just volunteered.  I’ll go into that on a completely different blog because it deserves an entry of its own.)

Keep in mind, if I did have that conversation with him, I wouldn’t tell him all the details, and I can’t think of too many that are really that big with the exception of two…or three.  (Again, another blog.)

The only other problem I would have is dealing with all the little things that keep popping up when someone does something wrong and makes a mistake.  Although, I could correct a lot of this by working longer hours and working with people and training them better., then if I really had to, if people kept making the same mistakes over and over I could write them up and get rid of them.  But I really wouldn’t want to do that because I don’t want to fire one of the people I might have to because I really like her.

So basically I’m now thinking I shouldn’t have that talk with him.  I should only try that talk if…he comes down to ask my why he shouldn’t fire me.

I do wish I knew how much my unemployment check would be and how long it would take to start collecting.  But I don’t even know if I would qualify because my company is notorious on doing everything possible to keep from having to pay benefits – big surprise.  They would probably use the phrase “failure to follow company policy” which I’ve heard is the phrase to you so people can’t collect.  And to be honest, it would aptly apply in my case.  I have failed to follow company policy.

But the laws of Unemployment Benefits have a huge flaw when it comes to people with mental illness and depression.  Sometimes, it’s not that people are lazy or they don’t care enough to do the right thing and follow company policy, but they can’t because of their mental issues that they can’t really get adequate help for!  I’m sure there are some tests I could have that would help both me and the doctors and therapists help me better.  Not only can I not afford to go to some of the people I need to, but I also can’t afford the tests that would probably help.  And how would I get the time off work to do some of these longer tests.  My bosses aren’t going to want to know that I need time off because I’m a mental case who needs lots and lots of help!  They are going to want to get rid of me and find somebody who isn’t crazy!

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A Blast from the Past – Part Four – Randomness #2

Another old blog post.  This one I found on my computer when I was looking for the old ones but it isn’t listed on the old blog I’m closing.  I guess I meant to post this but never did…I don’t know what might have happened to it.  I thought it was good to post, though, since it does deal with depression and medication which is something that is an important and ongoing issue in my life…even today.  Hope you enjoy.

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This was supposed to have been originally posted on 12.22.09, but I don’t think it ever was.

Randomness #2

 My doctor has me on a drug called Paxeva.  I’ve only been to this doctor once because I wanted to start going to a Psychiatrist as opposed to just a general practitioner.  My thinking was that a doctor specializing in my problems would be better able to help me.

When I walked into his office – which had a beautiful view of the marsh, river, and marina! – I wasn’t so sure I like him.  I just didn’t think he had an inviting, friendly manner.  Then, to make it worse, they charged me over 3 times what they should have and my dumb ass didn’t protest much!  I was in a depressed mood and didn’t want to fight about it.  Even though, I called the insurance company before I went to see him to see what my copay would be.  I used to work for a PBM and know how much of a hassle dealing with insurance companies and policies can be: I didn’t want any surprises!

As soon as I returned to my car I called the insurance company and asked what my copay should be because, since I have worked in this type of company before I know what can happen, I wanted to make sure the person I originally spoke with didn’t make a mistake by giving me the wrong information.  No, the mistake wasn’t made by the insurance company…the person I had on the phone this time was nice enough to call the doctor’s office and tell them, in fact, they made the mistake because they should have only charged me $40 as opposed to $143 dollars…the full cost of the visit!

(I just checked my work email because I’m at home right now.  I’m working this afternoon because a good friend of mine is working this afternoon and I like hanging out with her.  I don’t have a “set” schedule so there’s nothing wrong with me occasionally working the afternoon shift as opposed to the morning: it’s a good chance for me to get to see what goes on during that shift and what customers say/think/ask/etc… and find out what we might be able to improve on, etc.  My boss, Mr. Calm, just emailed me because somebody from the Home Office just emailed EVERY-FUCKING-BODY about an important credit card issue I have to take care of which has a due date of the 25th.  I REALIZE THAT, BITCH so back off and let me fucking handle things!  GOD!)

So after I got off the phone with the insurance, I called the doctor’s office back so they could refund the money they over charged me to my bank card.  “I’m sorry” they said, “we have an old system and are unable to do refunds.”  WTF!?!

I work with credit card machines and you are always supposed to be able to refund money.  What if you accidently had typed in one too many 1’s and charged my debit card $1,143.00, and what if the bank accepted it?!?  Not only would I be way over drawn, but I also wouldn’t be able to get my money back?!?!?!  Would you have issued me a check and _paid all the overdraft fee’s!?!?  I was pissed!

So I canceled the appointment with the therapist he wanted me to see because it was a therapist in his office.  Now I don’t know if I want to go back to my old doctor I saw in town before I ever got promoted…when I had insurance with my last job, or if I want to go back to this ass.

One of the other things I didn’t like about him was that he didn’t want to write me a prescription for a generic drug.  I was taking the generic form of Prozac and it was working fine.  I didn’t have any side affects I could recognize so I was pretty happy with it.  The one side affect to Paxeva is that I’m not “in the mood” as often.  Which, isn’t as big of a deal since I’m single but I still like “getting in the mood” because I can take care of any “issues” myself (I know…a little TMI (too much info) but I did say this was going to be honest and unedited…and certain “issues” is a natural part of life!  If you don’t like it…don’t read my blog).  And to be honest, I feel like I’m getting old when I don’t regularly have “issues” to take care of.  I didn’t experience that side affect while I was taking Prozac.

The only other thing, I didn’t feel like I had any more energy with Prozac and I can’t yet tell if that’s a problem with Paxeva…because I’ve let a two month supply last me…about 4 or so months.  (Maybe even longer.)  I might be willing to try this medicine again, but only if he has another one of those discount card to give me.  On my insurance, this medicine is $60 a month.  The one good thing he did was give me a discount card that lasted the life of the prescription so it took $50 off the cost so I only have to pay $10 a month…that’s what I was paying for Prozac.  If he doesn’t have another card, I’m not going to take this medicine again.  He’s just going to have to give me a generic of something and up the dose – because he says the dose could be off +/- 30%.

(I just checked my email again and since the bitch sent the email to EVERYBODY say I STILL haven’t done anything with credit card issue, I replied back to EVERYBODY telling them I would be working on this TODAY.  Two of the people on that email chain have their email accounts sending an auto reply telling everyone who emails them that they are “out of the office” until after Christmas.  They are fairly high ranking people yet I can’t take any fucking time off during the holidays!  I think I’m getting pissy again.)

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A Blast from the Past – Part Three – Randomness #1

Another old post, hope you enjoy.

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This was originally posted 12.21.09

Randomness

 I’m at work right now but I really don’t want to do anything productive.  That’s the problem I’ve had several times when I worked this shift in past months.  During the past couple of months, I’ve had my assistant work this shift when someone was sick or needed a day off…which hasn’t been very often which is a good thing.  For the longest time, I was doing it myself and I even did it for about a month straight when our weekend person quit and I had to find her replacement.  I’m thinking the part time person I hired to replace the last one isn’t going to be able to work nights much longer…but that might not be my problem.

I’ve been trying to think of ways I could cut down my expenses if I do lose my job but I’m not looking forward to it.  I should have saved money but didn’t.  It’s very hard for me to save money because I am a spender.  I hope to find another job with this same salary, $35,000 a year plus bonuses that ended up being around $2,300 a year, when I leave this job.  I really want to save money then!  I need to cut down what I spend so I can save money.  One of the things I want to cut down is my cell phone bill.

I’ve been spending about $130 a month for my BlackBerry but I really don’t need that phone.  I haven’t gotten rid of it yet, though, because I love it!  I am SO a CrackBerry Addict!  There are so many things you can do with that phone, and I love the keyboard!  It’s hard to decide which I love better…the internet or the keyboard.  I can write things I think of at any time because I don’t need a pen and paper.  I can make notes of things I need to do or books I see in the bookstore that I want to get later or find at amazon.com at a lower price.  I can also get on the internet anytime and I’ve used it to look up numbers and address and even directions of places I’ve been going.  I just love that phone!  Oh, and I can connect it to my laptop and have regular internet on my computer no matter where I am.

There are some people in the back building and I’m not sure what they are doing.  I’ve seen them sitting outside their room several times and just a few minutes ago I saw a lady throwing clothes downstairs and a couple of people getting into the car so I thought they were having a fight.  Now I’m not sure.

Okay, they just came down and I think something is going on.  They just checked out early but I didn’t look to see when they checked in.  His eyes looked a little bloodshot so I thought me might be on drugs, but I could be wrong.  After I gave him a receipt, he said he had a couple questions.  He then asked what would happen if a hotel employee got into a fight with his wife.  I was thinking “oh shit” because Sherry Ann worked the last shift.  Then he said it wasn’t this hotel and the hotel worked punched and kicked his wife.  I told him I didn’t know, it depends on the hotel policy but the GM knows and asked them to leave…so I’m guess there’s nothing he can do besides possible legal actions.

Back to my phone, in January I can upgrade my phone and at that time I think I’m actually downgrade it to a regular phone.  That should save me around $80 or $85 a month.  Right now I have 900 minutes and 5 numbers I can call without using any of my minutes.  I can use my house phone more and only use the cell when it’s work related…provided I still have this job.

I also saw at Wal-Mart a Straight Talk phone which would only be $45 a month with unlimited minutes.  If more and more of these types of phone plans come out which don’t require a contract, I think it will change the cellular phone world.  Other than have a nicer, better phone with more features and options, I’m not sure why you would want to get locked into a 2 year contract when you don’t even get unlimited minutes at such a low price.  For me to cut my plan down to a regular phone at the $39.99 monthly price which only gives 450 minutes, I would still be paying about $45 a month after taxes.  I would probably have to change my phone number, but that’s not such a big deal.

One of the biggest and easiest ways I could save money would be to stop eating out so much: this would help my budget and my health.  For several months I’ve been buying more food and cooking at home some, but I haven’t cooked that much because I’m just so mentally drained when I get home that I don’t feel like it.  Then, on the weekends, I don’t have the energy to cook.  I’m still not totally sure if that’s because I’m lazy or because I’m depressed.  At the least, it has to be a mix of both.  Otherwise, it’s just because I’m depressed.

The other thing I can do is quit the impulse buys!

The Universal Access Health Care bill just passed the Senate.  I’m not sure that was a good thing or not.  I don’t think it’s good enough and it has caused – or in the days to come – will cause an even greater divide among Republicans and Democrats which might cause Democrats to lose control in 2010 and it might even cause President Obama to lose a reelection in 2012.  What I’m also afraid of is that the insurance companies are going to end up winning, or finding a way to win, so they don’t lose money.  I think what we really need is insurance company reform!  I just don’t think our health should be a profit-driven business!  I think everyone should have equal access for health care.  I think we should have something like some of the other developed nations have – Universal Healthcare!  We should look at all the models out there and pick the best parts of each.  Another thing I’m worried about is the cost to me.  Dad said something about we would have to pay a lot for it and if we didn’t we would be fined.  For most people, if they could afford individual health insurance plans they would buy them.  I know I’ve looked into it before and the cost is outrageous!

As an update to what I posed last about the possibility of being fired on Monday, my boss didn’t check in tonight, he does live about 7 hours away, and he does have his weekly Monday conference call with the Home Office so maybe I won’t be.  Then he could fly in tomorrow…or the VP could fly in and do the deed himself.  But, I won’t be here past 12 because I have to work until 12P and then I’m going home and going to bed!  Actually, if I have energy – which I don’t think I will – I will fill out some applications.  I think I’ll just have to save that for Saturday…but the day after Christmas might not be the best time but at least the GM’s will have them on Monday morning.

Again, no editing…hope I didn’t f it up too many things!

A Blast from the Past – Part Two – Silent Treatment

Another old blog post.  Hope you enjoy.  

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This was originally posted on 12.20.09

Silent Treatment

 Would someone like to place a little wager with me on rather or not they think my boss will can my ass 4 or 5 days before Christmas?  Nothing says Merry Christmas like the gift of unemployment.

The reason I think this might be possible is because…I think I’ve been getting the silent treatment.

There has been an “ongoing incident” we have been dealing them as of late…and there was also a conversation about “the incident” or should I say “the lack of the proper actions” recently and ever since I responded to his email – the way we spoke about “the lack of proper actions” – I haven’t gotten but one word from him, and that was all in lowercase letters.

Now I realize some might be thinking I’m jumping to conclusions, which is entirely possible because of my petite bank balance…as I find those funds my employer drops into my account every two weeks very helpful.  However, I do think he not only has good reason to be upset with me, but it is also unusual for him to only say “thanks” as opposed to “Thanks!!” when I send him my weekly business increasing efforts report.

We shall see over the next couple of days.

I was thinking that I should have used Saturday morning to go fill out applications near the airport because I never get a chance to do that during the week…since I’m required to be onsite Monday thru Friday.  But I just learned that I have to work tonight because someone is sick so if I get out in a timely manner and can stay awake long enough in the morning maybe I could fill out some applications.  That, I think, would be one of the best choices I have done in a long time.

What wouldn’t be a good idea, however, is to do like I did last week and now show up for an interview I had scheduled.  It wasn’t anything special, just a night auditor position – some money coming in is better than no money coming in.  The reason I didn’t show up for that interview is because the afternoon previous I spoke with my boss and he relieved my concerns as the possibility of being fired because of this “incident.”

But then the next day he sent “the email” where we briefly discussed “the lack of proper actions” and ever since then I haven’t heard from him.  That’s with I thought what the fuck have I done!?!

On a side note: to my readers, which I hope will increase, please don’t take offence to my use of certain words….  And lastly, I know this may not be very grammatically correct as I’m not going to be editing this before posting.  It’s just a random post of what I’m thinking right now and that’s just what you’re going to get for now.

I’ll go into more detail later about some of the issues that have transpired at work.  For now, I’m off to take a nap to get ready to go into work tonight.

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A Blast from the Past – Part 1.1 – 13 Dollars and 13 Items

So it just so happens I found this little thing on my computer that I thought I had posted to the blog I am closing.  Guess I didn’t.  It was also written on 12.19.09, the same day I wrote the Random Activities post so I will throw this in extra and you’ll have a twofer for today!  Hope you enjoy!

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This was originally written but not posted on 12.19.09

13 Dollars and 13 Items

 Last weekend while I was visiting a friend in St. Augustine we were talking about shopping at the Dollar Tree.  Some of the other stores people call the “dollar store” aren’t actually “dollar stores” because everything isn’t just a dollar.  Many people think they’re too good to shop at a dollar store, but I do occasionally go.  Tonight was one of those nights.  I bought 13 items and I only paid 13 dollars and some change – for tax.

One of the reasons I don’t go more often is because I’m not totally convinced these “everything is just a dollar” stores is a good bargain.  I’ve gone shopping and looked in these stores several different times and I’ve noticed the size of their packages and I think at Wal-Mart you could come out ahead if you bought what was at Wal-Mart as opposed to these dollar stores.

Tonight I went in with a plan.  I was looking for several items and wanted to first see how many of them I could find at Dollar Tree before going to Wal-Mart.  (I actually prefer to shop at Target but I currently don’t have as much money to spend and I know I will usually save money at Wal-Mart so, for now, Wally World is getting most of my business.  I actually want to try a little experiment with Target v. Wal-Mart later…but it will have to be when I have a little extra money.)  On my list was a pizza cutter, a small plastic container to put my craft scissors in, Styrofoam cups, and plastic spoons.  I didn’t know if I would find all these items, but I thought I would give it a try and see what I came up with.

I was able to find the plastic box for my crafting scissors.  I didn’t remember to look in Wal-Mart to see how much their boxes were for a similar size, but if memory serves me I have seen a similar size box for ninety-something cents and over a dollar.  I didn’t find the pizza cutter but I did find some measuring cups and I almost bought them but I thought I remembered seeing a set of measuring cups at Wal-Mart for 97 cents: I when I went to Wall-Mart tonight I did find the measuring cups and I bought them.  (Although I already have a set of measuring cups, these exact same ones, I wanted another set because I needed another one-cup measuring cup for Miss. Kitty’s cat food that I could keep in her dry food jar without having to take the one from my original set.)  I didn’t find the plastic spoons – I may have over looked them or, like Wal-Mart they probably don’t always have the same items.  But I did find the Styrofoam cups.  When I went to Wal-Mart the same quantity, I think, was 27 cents more.

Sometimes you come out ahead and sometimes you don’t.  What I did see were several decent snacks.  I bought a pack of chocolate cookies and they taste good.  At the store in St. Augustine I was able to find a travel coffee mug and lent rollers which I thought was a very good buy.  They also have neat Coke A Cola mugs which I’ve seen in several different Dollar Tree stores.  They also have a very good selection of cleaning products and personal hygiene items which is good if you’re not picky about the brand you use.

The thing that I was most excited about, being a big reader, were three books I found…and again they were all just one dollar.  The titles are: Bill and Dave: How Hewlett And Packard Built the World’s Greatest Company which I think might be interesting because it talks about the story of why and how they created such a successful company and their enlightened management style, as the author puts it on the front inside flap; Ice Bound: A Doctor’s Incredible Battle for Survival at the South Pole which is written by and about Doctor Jerri Nielsen who went to the South Pole to be part of – or help with – a science experiment and while she was there realized she had breast cancer which she diagnosed herself and I think even did a little surgery on herself; Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle For Control of the United States Supreme Court which sounds interesting.

Sometimes the best part of going to these stores is the…neat, different, or interesting things you might find that you didn’t realize you were looking for.  One of the great things I found was cleaning sponges that had 4 or 5 in a pack.  My sponges don’t last long because I throw them away often so it’s very nice to find them at such a good price because I know I pay much more than a dollar for them at other stores.

With all this being said, you will come out ahead if you only have a few dollars to spend and need to get several things.  Something I’ve always said: it might be nice to buy in bulk and you might come out saving money in the long run, but if you don’t have the money to spend you can always look for the best bargains.  This is where stores with everything costing only one dollar come in very, very handy.