Can I Cry Now, or Should I Wait

I’m not sure if I should cry now or wait…but I’m thinking now sounds pretty good.

I used to live the solo life but that didn’t seem to go so well.  I had a cheap place that I didn’t like because it was falling apart that I had the option to buy.  I toyed with that idea for a little while but thought it was really a horrid idea because I didn’t have the time or money to fix it up…and it would have had to be almost completely gutted to really make decent.  There was, I’m pretty fucking sure, some mold involved in the walls.  I know there was, along with a leaking roof, in one of the bedrooms.  It just wasn’t worth it.

So now I’m not living alone and I don’t like that at all.  I also have a lot of gas to pay for because I have to drive 35 miles each way to work…and my car does not get 35 miles to the gallon!

Anyway.  So I’ve been thinking about moving to the city I work in because not only am I tried of living with someone, I am also tired of spending so much money in gas.  Today, after all, gas is $3.82 a gallon and I’m guess it’s not going down anytime soon.  Summer is just around the corner, after all.  And thieves are running the country.

So I was adding up the bills that I have now, which equal about $1,620 per month…which would explain why I’m always broke.  And I also added up what I think my bills would be if I moved, $1,940.  And those totals are per month.  And they are just guesstimates.  I’m not exactly sure what I’m spending right now but I do need to find out.

As for what I’m spending right now, the only things I’m not completely sure about are the variables like food, gas, cigarettes, and then the other crap I spend my money on but probably shouldn’t.

As for the bills I think I would have when I moved everything is a variable at this point.  Well, at least almost everything.  My $340 car payment – which I will have for another 2 more years; my $250 student loan payment – which I will have…until I fucking die; and my $100 cell phone bill – which I will also have until I die…or become really, really poor.  While it is true I could reduce my cell phone bill by about $55 to $70 by going to a cheap ass Straight Talk prepaid minute phone, I don’t want to!  I’ve become quite accustomed to having a smartphone and do not want to live without it.  I had much rather quit smoking which would be a really fucking smart idea!

I’m actually hoping my student loan will go down soon because right now I’m in a recovery program because some dumbass ignored the payments for quite some time and was almost garnished.  I only have 2 to 5 more payments left at which time the bad marks on my credit should be removed.  I’m also hoping at that time, which is what they said, I will be able to lower my payment.  I’m really hoping to reduce it by about $100.  They did say I would be able to then qualify for more student loans or stop paying for them all together if I go back to school.  I would like to return to school but my current GPA would not allow for me to qualify for student loans at the moment and I don’t have the money, at the moment, to pay for the classes out right.

(When I got promoted a few years ago I quit school in the middle of the semester which completely  annihilated my previously good GPA.)

What I have guesstimated as the living expenses is $200 for food – which I’m not sure if it will be enough…certainly not if I want to start “eating healthy;” $500 for rent – which I’m really hoping will be about $100 less for a studio apartment instead of the one bedroom which I was hoping I would be able to afford but I now totally see is out of the question; $60 for internet – which I couldn’t live with out…at least I really wouldn’t want to; $130 for car insurance – which I’m currently not paying for because my day still pays my insurance; $100 for power – which I’m also hoping will be about $50 less since it will be a studio apartment which…is about 288 square feet; $40 for water/sewer; and $150 for gas.

The problem comes in that I only bring home $2,080 a month after taxes.  That would leave, if the bills are $1,940, only about $140 A MONTH left for any and everything extra…and all emergencies that come up, clothing, etc.  That is not enough!

I guess I should just wait until I get out of the student loan recovery and see how much my loan payments really do go down.  (But I sure as fucking hell don’t want to have to wait until my car is paid off…which will take another 2 years!)

And it’s not like I have the money for deposits and other stuff so it’s not like I could move out tomorrow if I wanted to.  I was thinking I should start buying stuff little by little for the new place – since I lost everything I owned in a storage unit incident – but now I’m thinking I should just save that money instead.

This is just depressing.  I really want to fucking move!  I want my own place.  I want to be able to fix the place just the way I want it…which will take fucking money I obviously won’t have!


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